His definition of true and lasting friendship boiled down to this: It happens when we "raise the level of commitment from convenience to covenant." I loved that comparison. Are we intentional about our friendships, carefully selecting who will have the power of speaking advice into our lives? Don't we all want friends who will stick with us when we deserve it least?
Maxwell went on describe deep and meaningful friendships as being solid & secure because of their foundation--the unconditional love modeled by Christ.
God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5b NIV
In the past year my daughter has taken a new interest in the idea of friendship. I am entertained by the sweetness of 7 year old girls who squeal when they see each other, hug, stroke each other and skip through the yard holding hands and giggling.
Friendship looks different at 37...and yet so much the same. The squeals are sometimes replaced by knowing glances and/or sighs of relief to see one another walking through the door. Hugs are still there, but the stroking has become more emotional--encouraging one another through the challenging seasons. The best friendships still include their fair share of giggling.
I started thinking about what I want to teach my children friendship should be like--especially since I know adolescence is often fraught with the hurt of it being done incorrectly. In this day and age where people have hundreds of online connections called "friends," I appreciated three points, in particular, John made about Biblical friendship:
1- Few friends are true friends. Most friends are for seasons...some friends are for life. It takes the test of time and trials to prove which are which.
Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family. Proverbs 18:24 The Message
The greatest hurts in life come from the realization that someone you trusted has betrayed you or abandoned you. I can still think back to situations from years ago and immediately feel the sting. I don't think we can completely protect ourselves (or our children) from this...but I do think we can learn to be the type of friend we want.
2- Friends will speak truth to you. (And I will add, you can speak truth to them too.)
Wounds from a friend can be trusted, Proverbs 27:6a NIV
I wince as I recall times when I have failed to speak a truth I should have, but I cringe at the (more frequent) times I spoke 'opinion' in the name of truth that was hurtful or ill-timed. I read something Lysa TerKeurst wrote recently about asking ourselves if we are women of conviction or just women of opinion. Read that again. I'll wait.
The only way to know the difference is to hold our 'convictions' up to the light of the Truth of God's Word and His Character. We must "watch our words and hold our tongues" (Proverbs 21:23) but also be willing to "speak the truth in love."
Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.
Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. Ephesians 4:25,29,32 NLT
3- True friends refresh you...and sharpen you.
Just as lotions and fragrance give sensual delight, a sweet friendship refreshes the soul. Proverbs 27:9 The Message
As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17 NIV
Are your closest friendships adding to your well-being or only draining? Do you leave better than you came? Are you growing as a result of having that person in your life? Do your friends feel the same way about time with you?
We cannot underestimate the human need for community and relationships. They are a huge part of our lives--why not be more intentional about them?
4 comments:
As Bob Marley said "the truth is everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for".
I have had four close friends for more than 25 years. Those friendships ebb and flow, but I had the honor of spending a week in the home of a friend going through some serious bad stuff (husband's cancer, without a miracle, terminal). It is a real privledge when someone lets you in on the "ugly". On the flip side, I had a dear friend helping me clean out my son's room - I hope she felt the same :). Being a true friend means putting in the time. And it isn't always what I would choose, but more often than not it is more amazing than I ever thought. This coming from the woman who now has a new grammy because I have been spending time with a 87 year old grandmother of a friend and grammy is teaching me SO MUCH!!! What if I hadn't taken the time, what a loss that would have been for me...
I just love your posts! You always make me think about something just a little bit differently. I need to get The Message version soon - it is so much easier for me to make connections using everyday language!
Reading this reminded me of one of my favorite "old school" Andy Stanley series, Celebrating Friendship. It's one that I listen to at least once a year. I'm going to have to listen to this to this one!
I'm familiar with John Maxwell; I can imagine that was a great sermon.
And I love the message you conveyed. I am blessed to have a couple of really close friends - one from my University days - and I'm so thankful to have them in my life. They are truly family to me, and to my girls.
I think the "speak the truth" piece is really crucial. We're there to blow off steam with each other, sure, but there's a very deep current that always runs. I think it's a great commitment to each other to always *really* listen and contribute thoughts when the situation calls for it.
That's certainly not something that every friendship can withstand. I think it takes complete trust to know that you're coming from a "true" place in sharing your viewpoints.
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