My parenting style has always included lots of conversation with my children. With a few exceptions regarding mythical characters we use around holidays, I strive to be age-appropriately truthful with them in my explanations. (Even when it comes to the exception mentioned above I am trying to stay very loose and open ended as we 'play the game' replying to their increasingly savvy questions with things like, "Hmm. I don't know. What do you think?")
These conversations have ranged from explanation of 'mommy band-aids' in the cabinet, to cancer diagnoses, how babies are born, divorce of friends' parents, and child abuse. Whew! Each time one of those conversations start I let their questions guide me and pray hard as I speak. I am hopeful that I am building a foundation of trust with them--that they can come to me for answers and guidance even when it is a 'hard thing.'
After a particularly challenging conversation the other day, I was talking to my husband about some of my doubts about the wisdom of this strategy. There is the temptation to believe that blowing them off--or making something cute up--would be so much easier than introducing them to some of the less rosy aspects of life in this world. I want them to stay innocent and idyllic for ever--but even though I closely monitor what they are exposed to, learning to read and becoming more aware of their world makes this increasingly challenging.
As my husband & I were talking I had a bit of a revelation. Soon enough they will have all of these 'hard things' explained to them by someone. I would just as soon have had the first strike. I want to get to them first so that the perspective I am able to offer them--truth spoken in love--has had time to take root. Then, other perspectives on all these issues will have to be heard/viewed through the lens of the foundation that has already been laid. It is far easier to lay groundwork and build than it is to tear down and remodel.
So, continued prayers from this Mama--for wisdom, discernment, self control and courage--may I pray more than I talk and even then may the words I speak that are totally inappropriate and/or off base be redeemed!
2 comments:
We have followed this same philosophy while raising our two children. They are now 17 and 14. I would like to say their questions get easier, but they don't. Your ability to answer them, however, will get easier because you have laid the foundation for them to stand on. My kids are at the age where they question everything but they always seem to come back to me for the "final answer". If that doesn't work, we investigate it together and discuss it. We will keep you in our prayers as you go down this path.
Wish there was a 'like' button. I needed to read this today. So happy about your Good Day too!
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