I have a few notes from the trenches I thought it might help to record here.
1- While I do not ascribe to a works-based view of salvation. I have realized that I have been clinging to that lie when it comes to parenting. As my children have encountered some behavioral challenges, I have caught my pride defensively crying: "This is not fair! I am doing a lot of right things. We pray. We love. We talk. I discipline consistently. My kids should be 'good.'"
Note to self: This is not really the way the world works. :)
2- We have to be careful as to how much of the world's parenting theories we adopt as our own. I have often said, "I don't want to break their spirits," but that assumes that their spirits are entirely pure and holy.
Parents, don't come down too hard on your children or you'll crush their spirits. Colossians 3:21 The Message
Don't exasperate your children by coming down hard on them. Take them by the hand and lead them in the way of the Master. Ephesians 6:4 The Message
Will someone please send me the specific handbook for each of my people?
3- The comments I heard as a young mother regarding how parenthood never got easier, just a different kind of hard, are beginning to make sense to me.
My exhaustion is not sleep deprivation anymore. Instead it is mental and emotional exhaustion from wondering if this is just a phase or a character defect that will present a major stumbling block in their future and trying to 'figure out' what to do.
And they are only in 1st grade. (sigh)
It was a great reminder in the midst of my worrying and praying to read this quote today from proverbs31.org:
"God's got it all figured out. Always has. Always will. And He invites us to ask Him for wisdom."
I am again reminded that God is writing their story--and sanctifying me GREATLY in the process. Godly counsel has a place, but when it is a substitute for praying to God himself I am out of whack. I must exhale and put the throne before the phone. I need to talk to Him more than I am talking to everyone else.
So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. James 1:4-8 The Message
And then I need to do what God leads me to do and WAIT for Him to work out the rest.
6 comments:
I'm just starting to read "Sacred Parenting," and so much of your post resonates this same theme--I just had to leave a quick comment. The book is primarily about how the process of parenting is one in which God purifies US, not us purifying our children. As we grow closer to God, in an ongoing and lifelong relationship, our parenting becomes more closely aligned with His perfect will. Thank you for your blog filled with such honesty and wisdom!
As the mother of three adult children and Nana to four grandchildren, I would like to give you some encouragement. I was not a perfect parent, my children were not perfect angels, but they have grown into great adults. They had hard times along the way that often drove me to my knees but God's grace extends to parents and children.
2nd grade isn't any easier!!! I needed your post today! I am grateful that you are willing to share -- it is a ministry to those of us walking in similar shoes. I too am trying to find my way as we wade new waters. We have an extremely difficult situation at school...which is becoming difficult to appropriately address as a Christian parent with my child. My first response, and my second as well if I'm honest, isn't Christ-like. I'm having to sit back and think before I open my mouth. Also, seeing some of my daughter's rebelliousness and other issues...are showcasing this Mommy's sin of pride, worry, and a couple of other things :( Praise the Lord we have Him. Even in the toughest of times when I can't seem to find my way...I wonder how those who don't believe make it thru!
I'm right there with you! I just read this:
http://www.joshharris.com/2011/09/homeschool_blindspots.php
It's written to homeschool parents, which I am not, but I think the points can be applied to all Christian parents. Hope it helps. It truly convicted me!
I find your blog so filling. I just love your insights and your words. One thing that came to mind is that He knows what is on your heart and will equip you with the pieces of that 'handbook'.
~Jenn
So. there. with. you! Things with my almost seven year old son are breaking my heart as God created him to be a square peg in a world full of round holes. Praying for you and I would love for you to pray for us as well.
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