Grown Up

I don't listen to the radio much. In the car, I prefer conversation or quiet...same thing holds true around the house. My husband is just the opposite. He loves to have music playing--in the car, throughout the house, even outside on the patio.

When I do listen to music, I have a hard time enjoying the instruments alone. I am a word girl. Lyrics make or break a song for me. Recently, I had a unique realization while listening to the radio on a road trip with my man. I am finally old enough to understand the lyrics. Three and a half decades of life has given me enough real world experience that I can identify with most any song--love, loss, celebration, praise, sorrow, silliness, memories, regrets--my heart has tasted each emotion. When I was a teenager, I sang along with the radio with great passion. I imagined what many of those emotions would feel like. Now I have a much deeper sense because the road of life has shown me.

Is this the true mark of adulthood: Finally having context for all the lyrics?

Interestingly, I find that this age (36) is a great phase of having a foot in two worlds. As a result of Young Life, I spend time with college students and young adults in their early 20s. As they share parts of their lives with me, I can still remember the feelings associated with the phase of life many of them are in. The new found independence of my 20s was simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating. I recall leaving Tuscaloosa after graduation with my every possession loaded in my car, a college diploma, unbridled idealism, optimism and faith.

Perhaps it is this time of year as well, but several of my young friends are in seasons of major life transition: engagement, career change, job seeking, moving. As we chat, I keep hearing common themes--they dream big and their parents try to offer a little more grounding/perspective. To some of my young friends, it is viewed as a lack of support from their parents, a failure to believe in them, a belief that they have disappointed their parents' expectations by not being whatever enough.

I want to hear my young friends hearts, to pray for them, to offer wisdom but to not attempt to sap any of the amazing faith so many of them seem to possess with my tinges of cynicism (or reality checks). I love to hear them dream.

As a person with kids, a mortgage, a marriage and responsibilities their bold moves seem so far away from my reality. As a result, I increasingly find myself able to understand some of the reservations some of their parents have about their dreams/plans/unbridled enthusiasm.

Am I wise? Or am I cynical?

Have my years of life experience taught me discernment? Or robbed me of some of my faith?

Am I appropriately conservative or have I lost a bit of my courage?

I don't know...and as my own children get older it scares me. I want them to pray hard, dream big, act boldly and be courageous AND I want them to be safe. I don't think they can do/be both.

As they journey into adulthood and begin to uncover the call God has for their lives, how can I support their pursuits, their visions, their dreams and simultaneously be the 'grown up' God called me to be? I am thankful I still have 12-15 years to pray and have God work on me...but this is what I am pondering tonight.