Addressing the Scarlet Letter

For the last several weeks, we have been working through the Ten Commandments in our Sunday morning service at church. These week's topic was the commandment against adultery. Our pastor, Jeff, did an amazing job of speaking truth (not sugarcoated) within a context of love. It was so clear from his emotion as he spoke that he has been in far too many painful counseling sessions as a result of this issue.

I couldn't help but scratch down a few notes from his powerful sermon. I hope these are as useful/encouraging/challenging for you as they were for me. (I am quasi-quoting here. This is a combination of phrases I recorded from the points our pastor made and my thoughts.)

1. Idolatry and adultery are rooted in the same general problem: The one to whom we have pledged our devotion to is no longer enough. We want more. We become willing to violate our oath based on our desire for something different/more.

2. A husband and wife should strive to be more than enough to each other. This means instead of the world's view of marriage as 50/50, we must try to give 100/100. It is definitely high risk and requires courage and trust.

"Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. "
Ephesians 5:1-2 The Message

3. Invest in fixing the parts of your relationship that are struggling, rather than just trying to escape from them.

4. Surround yourself with people who love marriage and take their vows seriously. Do not seek advice from people who do not value the covenant nature of marriage.

As Christian friends, we should be very careful as we advise one another. Encourage unity, not division. Try to separate emotional opinion from Godly counsel. Speak words of truth, hope and challenge from Scripture to friends who are struggling.

Remember Matthew 19:6:
"They are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."

5. No one just 'falls into' adultery. Emotional/sexual infidelity is a process. Remember your guardrails!

I grew up with as many male friends as female ones. I have always valued 'guy friends' but, honestly, as a married woman, I feel quite differently about the need/appropriateness of these relationships. I have a 'best guy friend,' my husband. He is enough.

I am cordial to my friends' husbands and men I encounter through daily life...but there is a vast difference between cordial and chummy.

6. Expose your temptation/sin to the light. Confess it to God and to trusted godly friends who will pray for you and point you towards the Lord. Do not allow it to fester in hidden, dark places.

7. If you have been caught up in adultery, as an offender or as the one offended, dare to believe that God can make something beautiful from the ashes. He is, afterall, a redeemer. Even when we fail each other, God will never fail us.