Late in the afternoon we split into two cars for the last hour and a half of our drive home. I had P and my husband had K & R. Because P was playing his DS, I turned the radio up and was singing along as we drove on the Interstate. I was still singing loudly as Arms Open Wide by Hillsong came on:
"Take my life, I lay it down at the cross where I am found.
All I have I give to You, oh God.
Take my hands and make them clean.
Keep my heart in purity, that I may walk in all You have for me."
As I sang, a chill ran down my back.
Maybe it was my underlying fear about our family being in two separate cars returning from a beautiful time together.
Maybe it was superstition that I pray against--fear that it is only a matter of time before 'the other shoe will drop.'
Maybe it was the Enemy trying to steal my joy.
Maybe it was the Holy Spirit convicting me.
But as I sang the chorus, I asked God to search me and know my heart.
"Here I stand arms open wide.
Oh, I am Yours and You are mine.
Take my moments and my days.
Let each breath that I take be ever only for You, oh God."
I was praying that God would find that true of me--but have it is His merciful heart of hearts not to have to test me with family tragedy. (Please, please.) I knew, statistically speaking, we would likely all be just fine. I couldn't help but feel challenged though: If the unspeakable happened, would I still be able to sing these words to God?
Suddenly I was singing with admittedly less abandon and a lot more intentionality.
"My whole life is Yours. I give it all, surrendered to Your Name."
I know God wants me to live a life of gratitude--but I know he does not want me to make the gifts he has given me into idols. I believe the Enemy can tempt mothers greatly to make our families the lord of our lives. There can only be one Main Thing. May we remember to worship the Giver, not just his gifts.
This is the kind of post that will make people uncomfortable. We don't like to think these thoughts. It made me quite uncomfortable pondering it all as I drove, but I have watched tragedy in the lives of dear God-fearing friends unfold. (The anniversary of Sweeney's death is merely two days away.) We are mortal--and so are all those we love.
I want to live and love and serve confidently and fully in this beautiful, blessed season. If it were up to me I would stay right here forever. Yet, I must remain mindful that true faith means an allegiance and a trust that transcends our circumstances.
My love for God is not because of what He has done for me. It is because He is God.
So, I swallow hard and sing the last line.
"And forever I will pray: Have Your way. Have Your way."
2 comments:
Loved this post. I have felt like that so many times myself. I've thought... things have been going too well. I mean... at the end of the day I feel extrememly blessed EVERY DAY, not just with the kiddos I have, although having them has fulfilled me like nothing else... but my husband... he ALWAYS makes me feel loved some how. I don't know many people that can truly say that. But, the older I get, the more deeper my convictions have become also. I always try to be mindful that I choose God above it all, and I tell my children to do that often also. Anyway... rambling, Ha! Again, great post!
This is EXACTLY the sermon I heard yesterday. I attended the child dedication of my nieces and the pastor spoke on this very thing. He used the story of Abraham and Isaac for his message.
"May we remember to worship the Giver, not just his gifts." He used those same words. Good stuff. Thanks for sharing.
Post a Comment