Caring for our Families

I had a great conversation with a friend this morning about some of the healthy (and maybe even unhealthy) ways we serve our kids. As she spoke of going to great lengths to make a special from scratch dinner for her son because she knew he'd enjoy it, I thought of my huge To Do list. How frequently I can get so caught up in 'doing' things for my family that they don't necessarily see, feel or experience directly. Paying the utility bills, endless loads of laundry and dishes, cleaning and organizing my home--these things must be done, but they don't necessarily make my children feel particularly special or loved.

Tonight I stumbled across this quote.

"Give yourself credit for finding Lego Man’s hair. Little acts of caring matter more to your kids than getting through your to-do list."
-Ann Pleshette Murphy

As a To Do list junkie, it was a reminder that maybe I need to add "intentional, specific acts of kindness to my family" as an every day item.

I struggle sometimes with the balancing act of when to drop everything for my children and when it is important to teach them to wait. While I want them to know I am available when they need me, I don't think that means dropping everything each time they want me. (The truth is there will come a day when I am not available some times when they need me. This will be a good lesson as they age. I am not their Savior--someone else has already filled that role.)

I find it frustrating and guilt-producing to help my children understand that Mommy has responsibilities--I need to cook dinner, get dressed, pay bills, answer certain important calls, etc. I try to accomplish as much as possible during their school day, so that I am 'available' to them when they are home--but the older they get the less involved I am in their play. I think it would be weird for me to hang out on the sidelines of every game, waiting to be invited to play. They generally get along better and play more creatively when I am not there to interfere, so I find things I can do nearby. Invariably, when I am actually being productive the calls for help come.

Maybe it is the old Montessori Mom in me, but that curriculum did teach me that children are often able to do far more than we give them credit for--and feel a great sense of satisfaction in learning to do things independently. I think there is benefit in them struggling to get that button in the hole or to find that lost toy on their own for a couple of minutes before I rush in to solve all their problems.

That tightrope can be tricky. I am trying to learn to check myself:
- Do they need me, or do I need to be needed?
- Would my children be best served by learning they can handle this?
- Is this an opportunity to teach them patience and putting other people (even Mom) ahead of themselves?
- Do I really need to do this task or do I just want to? Is it beneficial for me, in this instance, to explain to my child that I would like to finish this first...Will I allow them to say the same to me in another situation?

The single greatest barometer, however, is simply the look on their faces. Some days they are just tired. It has been a hard day. They just want their Mom. (Can't we all identify?) I am happy to oblige. After all, I am the only one they get.

Patience, kindness, unselfishness, wisdom, discernment...benefits of a relationship with our Father that are of GREAT help to Mamas everywhere!