I have three energetic, precocious, talkative 6 year olds who are generally FIRED up about everyday life--multiply that by 20 and you get Christmas level energy. Add to that snow flurries, very cold temps that make outdoor play impossible, a Daddy whose work schedule is insanely busy at the end of the year and you get one worn out Mama. Their Daddy hasn't been home to tuck them in since some time last week. I am not angry at him--he wants to be home too. Sick people need health care. In this economy, getting it done when deductibles have been met at the end of the year is a priority for many people. It is just reality. All four of us miss our hard working husband/Daddy.
I don't want to whine too much. Many, many people have far more difficult situations than mine. The bottom line is that I don't like the Mama I have been so far this week. I am on edge. I am snippy. I am tired of being the time keeper, enforcer, referee, bad guy.
I really want to be fun--but someone has to get these little people going in the morning and out the door on time. That same someone has to oversee homework, dinner and reasonable bedtimes--and try to teach them a wee bit of civility, morality and spirituality at the same time.
I want the Norman Rockwell painting of warmth, order and calm, loving smiles. Instead my reality seems to involve cowlicks, untucked shirts, crinkled homework, dinner around the kitchen island and sunglasses still on my head at 9pm. Even in the midst of the chaos, I am reminded that is indeed a wonderful life.
Tonight my prayer is that God will give me the calm of lying on a beach somewhere, the joy of Colorado sunshine, strength to hold my tongue, His soothing presence and His indescribable peace RIGHT HERE in my real life. (I just re-read that paragraph to myself a few times. Bring it, Lord. Please.)
I have my dream life. I adore my people. I love and am loved. I just get tired sometimes. When I try to be a loving Mama and a supportive wife out of my own strength, I will find myself empty and frustrated. I do not have what it takes to do this on my own power. I need the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self control available through the Holy Spirit.
Lord, help me love well.
13 comments:
I hear you, loud and clear. :)
And I especially like the part about your sunglasses on top of your head-- that is ME every day!!
Praying you have a small window of calm today. And may the Holy Spirit infuse you with the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self control that only He can bring.
i'm right there with you! we're in the beginning stages of an out of state move and husband has already started the job. so many fun things i want to do this time of year but have zero energy when everything is said and done. i am constantly reminding myself that i cannot do this by myself. He has to give me the strength and patience and self control and love and .... you get the point. i am nothing without His help.
I so understand! Hubby works 6 days a week ususally until 8pm or longer, 4 year old twin boys, my own business (this is our peak season), the farm to tend to, both of my aging parents are sick (my Dad is scheduled for heart cath Thursday), my Mom has Polymyositis and I am running two households to boot.
I am praying for you Jmom! For HIS loving arms to wrap around you and shower you with HIS tender peach, grace and mercy!
Blessings!
amen and amen...
Right there with you ... on my knees praying and thanking God for His mercies that are new every morning!
Felt the same way today especially! Good words.
I am there with you. Today was one of my lowest days as a mother, granted I've only been a mother for ten months (tomorrow), but today feels like one big fail- in every sense of the word. I feel terrible for the way I have acted around my son today, he's only a baby for goodness sakes, and is just curious and exploring the world but man, it can be exhausting for the momma. Oh, how well Satan knows my weaknesses and knows how to get me down, but my strengths that come from the Lord are greater than my weaknesses and through His power I will choose to let my strengths crumple my weaknesses. As a single mother, I often (very, very often) feel run down, but I try to keep in mind that one day I would pay any amount of money to have this special time back with my sweet son, just me and him. Praise the Lord, tomorrow is a new day!
"Peace I leave with you, peace I give to you...." John 14:27
Joni
Prayed for you!
Big hugs to you!!!
I love this post. I too feel the same way. It is amazing how much I miss my little people during the day and then when I get home and after the 10 minute hugs, loves, and catch ups on the day, I too turn into a tired and snippy mommy. I am going to say your prayer over and over as I know in my heart I seek to be relaxed but in reality I am not. God Bless You for putting into words how I feel.
Also, thanks for stopping by our blog, I loved your comment! We really do lead parallel lives with the triplets and husbands who work so hard. Thanks again!
Oh, how I understand....your words have been my same ones all week...it echoes in my heart that I cannot do this on my own, with my own power....
fill my heart, Lord, with the love you would have me share!
It seems that everyday your posts mirror my life. Thank you for sharing. It's nice to know I am not alone.
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