This morning one of my children decided to start a club before school. The initiation involved having each of them put the electrical plug from "Shake-Your-Booty-Santa" in their mouth and touch their teeth. His defense for such a dangerous plan? It was an accident. Seriously? The confrontation that ensued was one of the more frustrating experiences of recent months. Five minutes before time to leave for school he was pouting in his boxers, refusing to get dressed.
Yet, this same child's prayer before bed a couple of days ago melted me: "God, I jus want you to know how ve-wee much I like Cwistmas and having a birfday for your son Jesus. Thank you for sending him." He kissed me on the forehead and scratched my back as I was tucking him in.
A tyrant one minute and tender another.
Another one of my children was on a destructive streak last week--purposefully ripping the screen out of a door less than 10 minutes after it had been repaired/replaced. The following day he asked me if we could decorate t-shirts with fabric markers.
"Not that nice shirt. Maybe some other time," I replied.
A few hours later he did it anyway--to that shirt.
"But, Mom, you said some other time. This IS another time."
That child has a precious heart. He is giving and loving.
Sneaky on one hand, sugar sweet on the other.
Before I became a mother, I really thought kids were either 'good kids' or 'bad kids.' This simplistic explanation would certainly make life easier wouldn't it? But it is just not true. We don't get to put people in neat little boxes. Humans are far too complex. We all have in us the capacity for both good and evil.
This phase of parenting seems to find me talking a lot about self control with my kiddos (especially the boys.) As I talk to them about how they might handle things differently 'the next time' I am often thinking through my next times as well. I can see their consciences forming. They are learning about impulsiveness, consequences, and self control. I am thankful they have 12 more years at home for us to keep praying and working through some of this stuff.
Yet, every now and then God graciously holds a mirror up to me and reminds me that as a 36 year old I still sometimes struggle with the exact same things: impulsiveness and self control. It is extraordinarily humbling to remember we are in this together.
5 comments:
Great topic, I would just say to you And God made us just a bit smaller than Him ... What should be of mankind without God's Grace.
You do have a wonderful family and this is a God's gift. Blessings to all of you.
I read recently that the part of the brain that controls this "impulsiveness" does not fully develop in young men until they are in their early twenties. My boys struggle with it at 16 and 18. It worries me for early college days. Ugh! Prayer,prayer,prayer. :-)
Great post, Jmom! I can only imagine how wide your eyes grew when you saw that "that" shirt had been decorated!
God has been showing me something similar with my 4-year-old daughter, who can be the sweetest, most sensitive and generous soul one minute...and the next minute, can be digging in her heels on some trivial issue, angry and hateful.
I was wrestling with this dichotomy just last night, and God gently pointed out to me that I can be the same way...to my own husband! Yikes! Talk about conviction!
So I say, thank God for His grace, which covers us, young and old, regardless of our behavior from minute to minute.
Wow, I needed to hear this! I'm a black and white kind of gal and it's hard to remember that my good kids can do things they are not supposed to even when they know they should not. Thanks for the thoughts!
Oh I really appreciate this post. I have been struggling, internally, in dealing with my first (and only) boy - who is 4 years old. I too thought kids were either good or bad and didn't realize until I had them that they are indeed, grey....much like the place parenting takes place...in the grey area!
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