The Run

Yesterday there was a fun run at my children's school---the culmination of nine days of hype and fundraising. All of the students were charged with running 25-35 laps around a kid-sized track to raise money for the school's booster club.

The whole event was excitedly anticipated by my trio. They went to school dressed in their running clothes. I showed up at the starting time to cheer them on with little homemade signs. There was fun upbeat music and energetic emcees.

At the start they all ran onto the field by class through the high school football team's large inflatable. They were beaming with pride and excitement.

All three ran their little hearts out--even P who is typically not as interested in athletics or feats of endurance. After about 30-35 minutes R completed his 'cap lap' of 35. He was sweaty and red faced and puffed up with pride over his accomplishment. A couple of minutes later K completed her 35th lap. As we celebrated together in the middle with high fives and hugs I searched for P on the track.

The back of their screen printed shirts had a track design on them, divided into 35 sections. Each lap had them run through a crowd of teachers bearing Sharpies to receive a hash mark on their back to track their progress. It was hard to see from the infield, so I sent K back out onto the track to check the back of P's shirt. He was on his 29th lap.

I was so proud of him for running hard and not giving up. Physical endeavors are a bit more challenging for P because of some early challenges he faced due to his prematurity. P started physical therapy when he was 5 months old. At 12 months old an MRI revealed evidence of an old brain bleed. He had muscle tone issues that led to a diagnosis of developmental delay/mild CP. He didn't crawl until 15 months or pull up until 16 months. He used a pediatric walker for a brief stint. And now? That same baby was out running laps with endurance with the rest of his class. Sure he wasn't the fastest--but he wasn't the last one on the track either. His gait and form are a bit less smooth and refined than his peers, but he doesn't seem to notice and, so far, if they notice no one has teased him. I was so proud of my little guy.

Suddenly the emcee announced.
"OK, students, last lap. We'll be wrapping this up in 10, 9, 8, 7...."
P stopped dead in his tracks and looked around for the emcee. Then he searched for my face. Unable to locate either he cried, "Why are we stopping. I'm not finished. I want to finish!"

There were about 15 students still on the track as they sounded the finishing alarm. P began to sob frustrated tears, "I wanted to finish. I only got 30. I wanted to finish."

My heart was breaking into little pieces. When he added, "K & R got 35. They finished. Why didn't I get to finish?" my heart shattered. He had worked so hard. I wanted him to finish too.

I went over to hug him and congratulate him for a race well run. He was confused and disappointed. The emcee invited all the parents and students onto the track together for a victory lap. As we came around the bend, the teachers offered him a 31st hash mark for that lap. After he got that mark he walked away from me. I watched as he approached another teacher a few feet away and turned his back towards her for an unearned 32nd mark.

"Hey, P, come here, buddy," I called. I explained that as much as he wanted another mark, getting one that way was cheating. The run was over.

He was deflated. Thoughts were racing through my brain. His development issues aren't a secret, but they are also not something we discuss on a regular basis. He has always been mainstreamed--including in athletic endeavors. Early on we decided having K & R around all the time was a gift, always challenging him to try new things. Truly, if you met him, with an untrained eye you would simply think he was just not as coordinated as the other two. It doesn't seem fair to him to walk around with a label or an excuse not to try new things. Still, in this moment I really wanted to talk about it all with him--not as an excuse but as a celebration. So I did.

I leaned down to his little face, right in the middle of all that noise and activity.
"P, do you remember how I have showed you pictures of how you learned to walk when you were a baby? Remember that walker and all the times we went to therapy? Sweetie, Mommy & Daddy had times when we didn't know if you would ever walk without help and you just RAN 31 laps. Do you know how incredible that it? We would have cheered and cheered for 1 lap--31 is amazing!"
His eyes finally looked up and met mine.
"P, your 31 laps are worth more celebration than 35 from someone who has never had the challenges you have had. You ran so hard and didn't give up. I am proud of you."

There were so many distractions all around us. I don't know how much he heard. But I needed to hear myself say those words if nothing else.

His class was lining up, so I walked him over and gave his teacher a quick heads up that he was disappointed with 31. She walked right over and looked at the back of his shirt. "31 laps, P? Our class goal was only 30. Way to go! You beat the goal." He smiled.

As I turned to leave my eyes met a friends and the tears came. As I got in my car, I thought about what a multi-faceted character lesson this is for P--and for me. Isn't it just our human nature to forget to celebrate the right things? We get so busy comparing 'laps' or hash marks of accomplishment with other people that we forget to celebrate the wonder of just how far we have come, the obstacles God has helped us overcome, the challenges that have been surmounted along the way.

I am sure P was not the only one out there with a story today. I just happened to know his.

And what of K & R? I wanted to fully celebrate their accomplishment too. They were both 31 week micro-preemies who weighed around 3 pounds too. I went into labor with those babies at 24 weeks. The odds of having healthy, strong children were not in our favor. God is to be praised and their accomplishments are to be celebrated too.

Whew! Life, motherhood, running the race. It is exhilarating, exhausting, excruciating, exciting... As we long for the finish line, there is much to be learned on the track.