Dear Jen,
I know you take your role as wife and mother very seriously. I realize that it is very important to you to do well with what God has entrusted you, that it is a big job and that you get tired. I also know that you value consistency as a key point of parenting. So, I do hope you will understand this is coming from the right place: I think you need to lighten up.
I don't mean you need to let go of the things that matter. Far from it. The big things can never be compromised. I just think you have started letting little things become big things. You and the kids (and your husband) could all benefit from a little more laughter and a little less control freak Mama.
Kids get hyper. They act silly. They break things on accident and forget their manners. They aren't perfect and neither are you. Yes, you need to help them learn to make their way in the world, but every now in then you might all benefit from the choice of laughter and grace.
Before you decide how to respond to the next set of inappropriate giggles about certain words or the decision to play chase instead of get their pajamas on, pause for a second and ask: Is this moment essential to their growth and development as God-fearing citizens? If it is not, consider your options for response. Instead of eye rolls, sighs, mini-lectures or snapping at someone as a first response, consider the implications of laughter (or at least a giggle or smile), joining in, creatively redirecting or quietly ignoring.
The world won't fall off its axis. You won't lose your power. You might actually regain a little perspective, earn a little more credibility, make a memory and feel a lot better.
Even if you just choose this a couple of times a day, I think you'll be glad you did.
Respectfully,
Yourself
14 comments:
Holy Moly...I should copy this post and hang it on my mirror so I can read it every morning. Thanks for helping me realize other moms feel the exact same way I do sometimes.
Thank you.....I so needed this! Blessings!
Well, since my name is Jen too, I'm going to pretend you wrote this to me because I really needed to hear it. So, thanks!! :)
Wow! I feel like that letter could be written to me, too. I have been reading your blog and I enjoy it. I always take something away. Thank you!
Amen Mama...and thanks for the reminder. From one control-freak Mama to another I struggle with this constantly and am really working to let go of the little things. I so enjoy your perspective :)
Thanks. I needed this and my little on ei s no longer litle. She's 20. It does not get easier!
I desperately needed to hear this. Thank you.
Especially with one of my three (who is more likely to misbehave, choose questionable friends, etc.), I needed to remember this.
Nancy
This letter could easily read "Dear Heather"!
I needed this reminder today (and every day). I am constantly telling myself that my expectations (especially for my oldest son - who is age 4 - bless his heart!) are WAY too high. I need to lighten up, enjoy their youth, and take some deep breaths!
I'm trying to remind myself that I want them to look back on their childhoods with warm, loving memories . . . all the other stuff is just not important!
Yesterday I talked to my kindergarteners about "rich." Check out my post from yesterday if you have some time. Your kids are way ahead of the curve ;)
I was expecting others to have the same reaction as me...but only I ☺ must have thought that this was a note someone wrote to you at first. I have to say... once I realized (at the end) this was to yourself I relaxed...took a deep breath, took off my boxing gloves as the protective friend and reread the whole thing. Ha Ha Ha.
You are a WONDERFUL Mother, and I know that you are not perfect because none of us are....but you come really close my friend. You are always an inspiration to me! ♡U!
Thanks for sending me this letter :-)
Thank you! This is one area I am really working on in my life.
I hope you don't mind, but I linked to some of your text in this post over on my blog. I will certainly delete it if you would like me to. This just really helped me today, as obviously I'm struggling with the same thing. Nobody ever warns people how hard parenting is! :-)
Here's the link:
http://yoderlife.blogspot.com/2010/12/whos-in-control.html
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