Tonight after dinner, just as I was thinking it was time to start sending the children upstairs to get ready for bed, I overheard an argument in the next room. My general M.O. with three 6 year olds is to let them try to work things out on their own--intervening when they are not successful and/or things start to escalate.
I didn't get the impression this was any big deal. There was giggling and chasing mixed in with the bickering--normal sibling stuff. Then I heard K start squalling. It was not a normal damsel in distress/feelings hurt kind of cry. It was a pained cry.
My husband and I both scampered from the kitchen to the dining room to find R in defensive tears repeating, "I didn't meeeeean to do it. It was an ac-ci-dent."
K had pulled up her sleeve to reveal a red and purple mark. "He. BIT. me!" she stammered.
My ire was raised immediately. My sister and I were very physical fighters growing up. So far, we have not really had that issue with K, P & R. My trio bickers, but I have very little tolerance for physical violence.
R looked at me with a mix of fear, sadness, regret and defensiveness. "I didn't meeeeean to do it. It was an ac-ci-dent," he continued to cry. His tears were becoming angry tears.
"You BIT her by accident?" I asked.
"I weally did Mom. It weally was an accident."
"You bit her through a fleece pullover hard enough to leave that mark BY ACCIDENT?" I repeated again. "That was not an accident."
"It weally was," he asserted, still through tears.
"I think you have confused your words. You mean you wish you hadn't? You knew you should not have? You got angry and let that win over self control?" I offered, still giving him the Mommy glare.
"No, Mom," he sniffled, eyes wide as saucers as he plead his case, "I mean I twied and twied to tell my body not to do it, but it happened anyway on an accident. I didn't mean it. My bwain told my body not to, but it leaned in anyway and then it opened my mouth. I tried weally hard to close my mouth but it just bit down on her. It was all an accident! I pwomise."
I am not a softy when it comes to discipline. But, seriously, if that wasn't the best argument of sin nature I have ever heard!
"Honey, that is not an accident. That is sin. You cannot sin in your anger."
We talked very briefly (and in 6 year old terms) about what Paul wrote in Romans:
What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.
But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. Romans 7:15-21 (The Message)
We talked about what to do when confronted with sin--especially in the heat of anger. I suggested that next time he flee the situation to safe place to calm down and pray for self control. (And then because I am not above scare tactics I told him adults who do that kind of thing get arrested and taken to jail.)
I am still mortified that at almost 6 1/2 and he bit her. You can be sure if there is a next time it will not be dealt with in such grace. But tonight, the image of my frightened child lingers in my brain. He seemed honestly shocked that he did it. He did not know he had it in him.
I have been there before. Shocked at the hurtful things that have escaped my mouth, the dangerous, idiotic decisions I have made, the completely self serving thoughts I have entertained.
It is good to be reminded sometimes of our true nature and our desperate need for a Savior.
5 comments:
Oh my, what a life lesson for all of us; whether 6 or 58! I have quoted that scripture many times to myself when I've been appalled with what I did/said. I appreciate how you share yourself and your darling triplets with us. My husband is an identical twin, and oh, the stories he has told. They have an incredible closeness as adults.
You are such a good Mom! God always seems to give you just the right words and perspective for the moment. (And with 3? I know there are LOTS of moments...) I spend most of the day with my second graders reminding them, "You are the boss of your body. You can make a choice with your body." Not that it makes it any better, but little Texans bite, too. :)
You handled that beautifully! And just so ya know....I'm totally not above scare tactics either! :)
Thank you! Glad to hear I'm not the only one! My 4 and 6 year old get along very well, which is saying a lot because we homeschool, so they are together all the time. Neither of my children ever bit until now. My son bit for the first time at age 5 and my daughter today at age 4. i was shocked. What do you say to that? I loved your response and hope we can all put this particular sin behind us.
It took me a while to come up with words because I was just SO shocked by it! Thanks for sharing :)
I don't know you at all, but came across your blog somehow through someone else's blog that I can't even remember now. Anyway, I loved this! I feel like I say to God what R said to you all the time - "my bwain told my body not to, but it leaned in anyway..." I hear ya, buddy!
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