A few days ago I was thinking about old regrets from my past. Ironically, it is not big, scandalous things I seem to be haunted by...it is the seemingly smaller ones. Specifically, places where I really messed up in a friendship or work relationship. Periodically, instances come to mind that just make me cringe.
I regret that I did not do more to understand what a young father I supervised a decade ago was going through as his wife transitioned back to work. I allowed him to work flex hours, but I know my heart was not fully understanding--and feel like my attitude towards him might have reflected that.
I regret that I used to sneak clothes from my roommate's closet, wear them and put them back without telling her. I am sure she figured it out, but never mentioned it. I really do think her trust in me was eroded. Why did I feel the need to be so sneaky?
I regret not doing more to stick up for a couple of specific people in my life (one in high school, one in college) who were treated very badly by the 'in crowd.' I did not heap coals on their heads--but I was in positions to really help both of them and chose to remain virtually silent.
I regret going out with a boy my friend had a crush on. It didn't last long. He wasn't at all my type. My friend said it was OK (and mercifully we have remained friends) but I was insecure and he seemed interested. Seriously? What kind of friend was I?
So, I am wondering if I should track down these people all these years later and apologize...Does that do more harm than good to resurrect the past? Is it enough that I have repented to God? Are these remembrances a prompting from the Holy Spirit to 'make amends' or are they the Enemy taunting me?
If this were a reality television show, I know the answer would be to find them. Would tracking them down just reopen old stuff they have moved on from? Would it even be about the people I offended or more about MY need to move on and feel better?
I am pondering what that looks like in real life.