Dear 2005-Me

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post about the things I wish someone would have told me a decade ago in my single 20s. Tonight I was reflecting on several different things about our weekend and it occurred to me that I had a similar list of things I wish I would have known 5 years ago as I was embarking on this journey of motherhood. Again, much of this was probably told to me back then--I just wish I would have listened.

In all fairness I was knee deep in diapers, 24 bottles a day and sleep deprivation... :-)

Dear J Scott circa 2005,
I honestly don't remember much about daily life with 10 month olds, but I do remember the uncertainty, the lack of confidence and the fear. I thought it might be helpful to tell you a little bit about life 5 years in your future at almost-six.

First of all, you will be relieved to know that YOU WILL sleep again. I am going to be honest, it will still be a few years but eventually you will get 8 uninterrupted hours again...unless there is a stomach bug. Mercifully, those are few and far between. The children will continue to be very early risers, but they can now play across the hall using quiet voices and you can 'sleep in' until almost 7am.

Secondly, all those parents of older kids who tell you that it doesn't get any easier as they get older (while you internally roll your eyes) are right. Yes, there is more freedom as your children gain independence. You aren't chasing them around constantly like you did when they were toddlers, but your issues change and they are much more emotionally challenging. You have three sets of eyes and ears watching how you work through them all--and your actions and words are being imprinted in memorable places on their hearts.

Five years from now you will be dealing with issues of willful disobedience and you will worry about their moral fiber. Things that were once somewhat endearing and acceptable because of their age will still occasionally happen--and at this age they are neither endearing nor acceptable. Instead you will worry that they are signs of major character flaws or red flags of even more difficult behaviors to come--and most of these cannot be easily referenced in a baby book or a chat room. Instead you will come to understand the incredible importance of prayer, hiding God's Word in your heart and the input of godly, more experienced women.

As hard as it is to believe, the children will already be experiencing name calling at school, strong opinions about fashion and complaining about homework. You will already be making tough choices about what they can watch, read and play. They will also have learned two really annoying phrases: "That's not fair" and "I am bored."

You are going to stumble and mess up a lot in the next few years. You'll be snappy and impatient despite your prayers for patience. You'll forget to laugh. You'll yell. But you will learn to ask for forgiveness and in doing so show your children that even Mommies need Jesus. (Sometimes I think we need Him most of all.) You'll lose a lot of pride and gain humility in its place. You cannot even begin to imagine the rough edges God is going to be working on in you.

The good news is that their laughter is still infectious, they aren't too cool for dress up or dance parties, and these little people are growing up to be really neat individuals that you'll enjoy being with (most of the time). They will still hold your hand in public, sit in your lap and call you Mommy. And thanks to their petite heritage, you will still be able to carry them upstairs with their sweet arms draped around your neck when they fall asleep in the car.

I remember vividly some of your fears. Let me reassure you. You WILL find time to have very unique and personal relationships with each of them. It gets easier to carve out special one on one time related to their own interests.

And all those tears you are shedding in your worry over P and his achievement of developmental milestones? He never had to get those AFOs. He is reading chapter books and just today he rode 100 yards on a big boy bike without training wheels.

So take a deep breath. Trust God to complete the good work He began in the creation of these little lives within your womb and hold on. This is one amazing ride!