The tough thing about journalling my heart online is that there are sometimes things I desperately want to write about, but cannot. Generally it is because although other people's stories impact me, it is simply because I care about the characters in them. The stories are simply not mine to tell.
Today has been one of those days. There are people I love who are hurting and really there is nothing I can do. How many text messages, emails, cards, etc can you send before they lose their impact? Even though I love to write, many times all I can manage to hurting people in my life is "praying" "sorry" or "I love you." Those words feel so small and insignificant when compared to the mountains they are facing.
Intellectually, logically, I KNOW that I am powerless to cure cancer, grief, past abuse, addiction. Yet, it still stings when I realize how utterly helpless I really am.
We scramble to provide meals, buy groceries, pick up mail...and yet, we are left staring at our hands wondering what else can we do?
Prayers are powerful. They provide comfort and some measure of peace...but they also require patience and trust. I seem to be lacking both of those things today.
"Jesus today I am tired, I need your music to come and inspire
I give myself to be refined in this fire, but Jesus today I'm so tired. " Charlie Hall, Come for Me
I often find myself in the role of 'answer girl' in friendships. People tend to call me for a word--a quote or a Scripture, something to help make sense of life when it gets crazy or painful. While I enjoy being an encourager and holding out words of life, sometimes when it is my own heart that is sad it is hard to find them.
"You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule." Matthew 5:3 (The Message)
It will be OK. I know how it all ends for eternity, but sometimes the journey is hard.
7 comments:
Thank you.
I am a mom to a 2 1/2 year old girl and a 12 week old boy. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope this week. Many tears have been cried. Prayers spill out of my mouth and heart. I am so tired of waking at night when I want to be sleeping. I am trying desperately to find my role as a mom to two...fulfilling the needs of our family. I do not have all the answers and this journey feels hard. Thank you for encouraging me.
I have only commented a few times before...making me a lurker? I look for your update every night. I am very encouraged by you and your walk with Jesus. I also enjoy reading about your life with three precious little people-they are awesome.
A sister in Christ,
Elizabeth
it was a difficult day for me, too, and it seems to be a theme among my friends and family. what IS is about today?! :0)
I wish this was on facebook..because I wanted to check the "like" button. :) That's all. :) Just wanted you to know I really like this post..especially the last sentence. Thanks!
I don't usually comment here, but your messages always touch my heart. You are such a caring person and I think you have a bigger impact on those around you than you know. I mean, how many people would step in and show such compassion to a stranger in a swimming pool on vacation like you did?? I was prompted to comment when the blog I read before yours was called "The Journey"....your last line gave me a little chill. Speaking of that...are you familiar with Katie's blog? A 21-year-old living in Africa who has adopted 14 children!! Check it out if you haven't...(http://kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com/) Inspirational!!
Keep up the good work. You're inspirational, too.
Nancy
Thank you, friend. This touched my heart too, and I've felt at the end of my rope this week. I sure appreciate your heart and your perspective so often.
I'm sorry you feel this way but it helps to know I am not the only one. I think you've done exactly what you needed to do by telling God your feelings. He is the one to carry your burden. And as you said, it doesn't seem enough to say but I am praying for you. I love you!
You can always call on me if you need an ear or a shoulder. You are right...you are always the one i want to talk to when I need an answer or some encouragement. After I talk to the Lord...it is hard to wait it out. While you are waiting and praying, feel free to call me. I love you and am here!
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