Our young R is smart, independent, competitive and capable. I always laugh at the way his Sunday School teacher described him when he was only 3 years old. She said, "I have just never seen such leadership characteristics in someone his age." That is one way to put it.
He has an answer for everything. He is strong willed and argumentative. He pays close attention to the way things are done and insists on order. He challenges me about everything--from the way I slice his food to what he can wear. If he is offered 2 cookies he tries for three. If I give him an inch, he wants an inch and a half.
He is confident. He is passionate and emotional. He can be bossy. He is a bit of a know-it-all. I think he truly believes he is smarter than me most of the time. R reminds me very, very much of myself at his age.
And yet, he is my tender young man. He simply melts when I praise him. Each compliment elicits an obvious, physical response. He truly swells with pride when we tell him how pleased we are with him.
R told me the other day that when I was 'old like Nana' (my husband's 91 year old grandmother) he would 'push me around in the wheelchair' and take care of me all the time. (Thanks, Granddaddy, for being such a great role model of this with Nana!) Tonight after a sweet bedtime moment he told me: "I love you so much I will do all of you-wa laundwee to-ma-whoa. Don't do any of it. Leave it for me! I'll do it all fo-wa you."
He likely will not do my laundry tomorrow...but he will probably pitch a few epic fits, refuse a directive from me a couple of times and growl his displeasure at me once of twice for good measure. This is R, my son whom I adore. Thankfully, he doesn't seem to exhibit much of this behavior outside our home. He saves much of it for Mom and Dad.
My husband and I have spent a lot of time lately talking about how to handle his strong personality. We are not softies. Our parenting is fairly strict, but R is a force with which to be reckoned and we firmly believe God wired him this way. We don't want to break his spirit. We just know we need to reign him in. I have no doubt God has great things in mind for him...sanctifying me has definitely been one of them! Whew!
As I was praying about it today, God gave me another perspective. R is not just like me as a 5 year old. He is a lot like me as a 35 year old.
I argue with my Father (God) a lot. I pride myself in my capability. I don't like when my precious order is disrupted. I demand answers from Him. I try to talk Him into things. No matter how He blesses me, I always want more. And if I am completely honest, there are too many times that I simply live like I know better than Him. Like my precious R, I proclaim my love and my devotion for God as I lay my head on the pillow--even when my actions don't seem to consistently match up.
I wonder if God shakes his head at me like I so often do my own son. I adore that child. He is mine. I longed for him, carried him in my womb and thank God for him every day. Even in his most rebellious, difficult moment I would die for him.
My Father in Heaven created me, formed me, delights in me and sent His only son to die for me--not in spite of but for my rebellion and sin.
R and I suffer from the same problem--immaturity and that fleshly desire to run 'our' own lives.
Forgive me for my rebellion and pride, Father. Thank you for your grace. Thank you for perspective. Grant me wisdom as I parent each of my children with You as my guide.
7 comments:
What a sweet post.
The way you describe your little
R reminds me of our daughter KaylaBeth. Her babysitter once told me "She is very good about keeping me informed on what the other kids are doing." I think she meant my daughter was a tattle tale.
All of KaylaBeth's traits as a preschooler that nearly drove me to tears on a daily basis, were traits I told myself would be positive traits as she grew. And they are. She's a leader. She speaks her mind respectfully to everybody (well, not always to mom and dad) and she holds firm to her decisions. There are days now that I have to bite my tongue because she seems to always want the last word. And so do I.
Your little R is already a fine young man and will continue to be so. All of your children will be wonderful young adults because you are such a purposeful parent.
As i was reading your post it brought back so many memories of raising my 3. A book i would HIGHLY recommend is Developing Your Child's Temperment by Bevery LaHayes. It was a wonderful tool in understanding their strength and weaknesses and how to work on both depending on each childs personality temperment. Diane
My son James was the same way at R's age. He is now a 13 yr old young man , who will not be pressured into do things that he knows are wrong. (i.e.) drugs, and those things that face teenagers.
So while reigning in some of the stubborness, remember he will defintely be able to stand up againist pressures later when you will really be worried.
just some thoughts.
Oh he reminds me exactly of my husband, both now, and how his mom describes him as a child!! VERY competitive, he would constantly bargain with his mom for three cookies while really wanting just two, he thinks there are only two ways to do things...the wrong way, and the right way (his way)...he's very argumentative, always believing very strongly that he has a point to prove! There are times when this drives me NUTS...but yet I love that part of him! He is the TOTAL opposite of me and somehow God allows us to totally balance each other out. I didn't see it before we got married, but we really need each other! God paired us together perfectly...him to motivate me, and me to help him relax and enjoy life! :) I'm sure R will be a confident, strong young man with a lot of success in life! Thanks for sharing this today!
Reading this I just kept thinking of him singing "Wun Wun Wain-de-wah" in his gravely sweet southern little boy voice. Tough as nails and soft as butter. ha! Though my little guy isn't quite as much of a "leader" he does get quite bossy. Then cracks me up when he knows he's gone a bit overboard and says "Smile at me mom! No, not like that. Like this. Smile bigger."
Oh, it seems that you, R, and myself are a lot alike! Love the post!
I have an R just like yours (and just like me!) at home. Thanks for the encouraging words and reminders. God made us each the way we are ON purpose and FOR a purpose! Looking forward to the years past preschool when we can see all the benefits of those strong wills!
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