Expectations

Today capped off our marathon weekend. We helped out in 4 year old Sunday School, then attended a Santa Brunch. After Brunch we came home for a quick change and elected to divide and conquer for our afternoon events. Today was one of those days of competing priorities where I really, really wanted to be in two places at one time.

A group of great women in my town pulled together to put on a 5k race and 1 mile fun run benefiting Sweeney. He is still in Houston (although no longer in-patient) recovering from his latest round of treatments, but this was a terrific day of family fun for a great cause.

Meanwhile, across town, there was a very important fundraiser for the children's home. I only have 3 weeks remaining as Chairman of the Board and am chairing our Development Committee, so it was really something I needed to do. It is a fun event. I am passionate about the cause. Yet, my heart felt torn about not being at the race to support my friends.

My husband & I decided that he and the children would go to the race while I went to the Open House. Because of all the logistics involved I arrived only an hour or so before the event began. Others had been there much longer.

On the drive over I couldn't help but feel like I was letting everybody down just a little--my husband because he had the children for 7 hours without my help, my children because I was missing much of their weekend, my friends at the race because I have been unable to do very much to help with the event, my colleagues at the home because I was tied up with morning commitment and couldn't be there as early or stay to clean everything up.

And it hit me. No one on the list I just ran through gave me any indication that I had let them down--I did that to myself. I decided what their expectations likely were and then I decided that I had not met them. I was putting all this pressure on myself to meet (or exceed) expectations I had come up with on my own--yet I was using the excuse of 'not letting others down' to cover.

Does any of my crazy talk make sense?

At the end of the day, I have to have a clearly defined set of priorities based on my own prayerful consideration and conversations with my husband. Then I must commit those priorities to the Lord and pray earnestly for an infusion of discernment, self control, courage and freedom from the bondage of performing. Finally, I must trust the Lord for the peace that obedience to His leading will bring...then breathe.

Ask. Trust. Receive. Relax. Easy to write. MUCH harder to do.