We are having a wonderful time. My husband and I have been able to each get one-on-one time with each of our children. I feel like I can physically see their 'love tanks' getting filled up. What a treasure! Because D's gift included two bedrooms, we have also been able to have quality time together after they have been put to bed. The weather has been hot, but clear. The children are exhausted, but only from having and amazing time from sun up to sun down. Life, for us, is very good.
Yet, as we are enjoying all this we are mindful that the very one who gave us this trip is sick in the ICU. It is beyond humbling. It is almost embarrassing. It doesn't seem at all fair.
As I wrote about yesterday, God lined up several people to intercede on behalf of Sammy and she is no longer in an abusive home...but if there is anything I have learned from my Monday Night Girls it is this: No matter how cruel, selfish or mentally ill they are, your Mama is still your Mama. I am sure she misses her. I know at twelve, this is not how she thinks her life should look. It doesn't seem fair.
And Sammy's mother? I actually have a soft spot for her plight. I have reason to believe her troubles stem from mental illness. As hard as it is to comprehend, she is a victim too.
As we frolic and enjoy 'fairy tale life' this week there is real pain in the lives of people that we love dearly. My inlaws are still displaced and have been working all this week to secure a more long term living situation than their temporary shelter in a home for pregnant teenagers. It will still be months before their home is restored. Our precious friends, the Sweeneys, are making major decisions about how to proceed with his cancer treatment. And we are here...Not fair.
Truthfully, this is just scratching the surface with people we know. It speaks nothing about worldwide issues of poverty, abuse, violence, war... Every single moment of our lives, wherever we are on the spectrum of earthly comfort and happiness, there seem to be an equal number of people at the other end.
I have been struggling a bit with what to do with that. Should we feel guilty and refuse to have any more fun because of the unfairness of it all? Should we try to push it all out of our heads and forget about it so it doesn't put a damper on things? I have wrestled with these thoughts this afternoon and I think the answer lies somewhere in between. We don't freeze up and thereby squander our good fortune, but we also need not forget to treasure these days. We never know when it will be our turn. We also have no idea when God will use our blessings, our story to encourage others.
Even though I believe that God is perfectly loving, infinite in wisdom and completely sovereign, it seems I ask just as many 'Whys' over my blessings as I do my trials. It is not my role to play God and decide when and how to dole out blessings. I am called to be grateful, obedient, a good steward and open to God's leading of when and how to use gifts that have all come through His Hands.
"When times are good be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other." Ecclesiastes 7:14
"Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come?" Lamentations 3:38
Tonight I have a grateful, humble heart.
7 comments:
I am finding you and I are more and more alike in our thinking! I question the good and bad too. Just take time to thank God for this time of refreshing and relaxing with your family. I believe after a battle (or sometimes before a new one) God sends us those times to renew our strength. I pray you all have a fabulous time together!
Thank you so much for this post. I've been struggling with this as well lately. We have one week left of pregnancy with a healthy baby boy. We will get to meet him and snuggle him and take him home with us in no time at all. All the while two of my best friends (two of four who gave me a shower) are struggling with pregnancy. One has been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant for two years. She finally did get pregnant this summer, only to miscarry. The other has a healthy three year old but tried to get pregnant again around the same time I did. She, too, miscarried. She is pregnant again now but is on pins and needles. I have so much guilt about it. We had no trouble getting pregnant or staying pregnant. We were blessed beyond belief and my friends are having to go through it all with us while they are trying so hard to have their own families. All I can do is lift them up and pray that one day they will experience this joy as well. With God's timing, I know that it will happen!
What a beautiful post!
Wow. You are making me think hard on this Saturday morning about this balance in life. When I get bogged down in the "wrestling with God for answers" department, I've learned to just magnify and praise: start looking up and telling Him how big and wonderful He is. His heart for the balance always seems to follow quickly in my spirit.
Hope you are having the time of your life. I continue to pray for the donor of this gift: blessings upon him.
I too have struggled with God's blessings when it seems that so many others are struggling. I remember returning from a mission trip to Brazil when I was in college and feeling this way. One of the realities I feel God brought me to as I struggled with this it this phrase. TO WHOM MUCH IS GIVEN, MUCH IS REQUIRED.I think it is from a parable in the Bible about the talents--I am not exactly sure, but it was just one of those things I had tucked away in my memory and God brought it to me when I needed it. I know trails and struggles will come and when they come then it will be my turn to recieve, but while God is blessing me, He wants me to be about His business giving of myself to others strengthened by His blessings. You so do that with your blog. What a testimony to Him it is. I really enjoyed your state fair analysis to the temptation of this world the other day. God Bless You and your family!
I'm not going to say this well because I am pressed for time and am much better with words when I can really think them through, but I feel pressed to comment. I know you know it, but I just wanted to remind you that even God himself created the sabbath to rest on the 7th day. He set us up to have a time of renewal after a week of working hard. The jewish holidays were set up as a kind of sabatical to rest from a hard life and to enjoy the festivals together. I know your husband doesn't often get to "rest" on Sundays---nor do moms, for that matter :)-- but I think this was your sabatical for your family, maybe even your sabbath to some extent, as it sounds like you really had some quiet time with God in reflection and prayer. I'm glad He was able to give you guys a fun break (although maybe not a quiet, relaxing break) to be a family with no distractions. I think this made D and God happy.
I have experienced something similar... having been to Burma, and poor parts of Thailand, where the people have nothing... then coming home to our excesses of living. Trying to align that is hard. God gives to us so that we can give to others... and sometimes we don't understand how He divvies it all up. I guess we need to learn to rest in the fact that He is in control, and thank Him that He knows what He's doing.
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