Tender Warriors

Of my three children, I write the least about R. It is certainly not a reflection of any sort of favoritism or lack thereof. It mostly just has to do with his personality. In so many ways he is a man stuck in a child's body and life. He is not a performer. He is serious and likes to be perceived as competent, so he doesn't say silly things very often. He wants to understand and be understood by grown ups. He is a fixer, a protector and a competitor that knows what he wants (and does not want) and will finagle, bargain and argue to get it.

He is 'all boy' in the sense of his physicality. He loves sports of any kind--and generally picks up on them very easily. He is also fiercely competitive and does NOT like to lose. EVERYTHING he does is a contest or a race. Even against me. He is so passionate that we are frequently working on issues of self control.

Interestingly, R is also incredibly tender. His outward persona tends to be very serious and gruff, so this is not an attribute that you would appreciate unless you know him really well. He adores me. He is my snuggler and most frequent dispenser of "I lub you, Mommy"s. (But not in front of big boys!) He is remarkably compassionate and worries about people in need. He is an animal lover...especially of the stuffed/lovie variety. And he is my hand holder, frequently kissing it as we walk along. Melt. Melt. Melt.

He was out of school today with strep throat, so we had some wonderful quality time. As we spent time together doing exciting things like throwing popcorn in the air and catching it with our mouths, I prayed that God would continue to work the two seemingly opposed elements of his nature together to make Him a mighty man after His own heart. When those things are matured together--he is going to be an incredible man.

I was reminded of the title of a book (that I never read, but heard much about) called Tender Warrior: Every Man's Purpose, Every Woman's Dream, Every Child's Hope by Stu Weber. I just love that description...and now hold that out as my hope for both of my sons (and K's future husband).

It is all too tempting to try to demand one or the other of men...but I love the perfect balance. I want them to be strong men who fight injustice and unrighteousness...but possess a tenderness and love for others that keeps it all in godly perspective. I pray they fight for their families, not against them. I hope they wage war against evil while showing servant leadership.

Too much of either is not God's design. Too much compassion, intuition and sensitivity can be perceived as effeminate and weak. Too much machismo, control, confidence and strength can be offensive and distancing.

But the combination---a tender warrior--- that is the kind of man I married and what I pray in the development of my little boys' precious hearts.