I think most of us have people in our life that, for whatever reason, are very difficult for us to be around. I really only have one and I don't encounter them very often, but when I do it brings out a side of me that I do not like very much. My friend Priscilla calls these people 'heavenly sandpaper' because even though they rub us the wrong way, it can be for our own softening and growth if we allow God to work, rather than our flesh.
Interestingly, in the case of my person, it is not really how they treat me that drives me crazy, it is how they treat others. Their self absorption and disrespect to others really gets under my skin. Recently when I was with this person I realized that my response to their behavior was really sinful and backwards. I express my disapproval by withholding my love and civility. I am simply 'not nice' to somehow prove a point.
Interestingly, it was as I looked at the shirt I was wearing that particular day that I was convicted. The shirt said AGAPE on the front and several phrases on the back, including 'love generously.' I was convicted immediately by the fact that I was responding to this person from my flesh, not from the Spirit. Truthfully, I don't even know that this person notices when I withhold my kindness from them, but this attitude permeates my insides and my mood and I find myself snappy and short--withholding kindness, if you will--from others around me, simply because that is the mode I am in.
While I would stop short of calling my heavenly sandpaper an 'enemy,' I cannot help but be reminded that throughout Scripture we are commanded to love those most difficult for us to love--and to pray for them. As my Southern Mama always told me, "You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar."
Anyone can love those who love them back. I am a child of God. I am held to a higher standard. I am told to love others as an expression of the undeserved love and grace that I have received. Even when it is hard.
I also realized something else. I am a bit of a snob when it comes to T-shirt/bumper sticker theology. "Show them don't tell them" is a phrase to which I ascribe. I have friends who confess they don't want to 'wear the shirt' or 'put the fish on their car' because they fear looking like a hypocrite when they inevitably behave like the sinner that they are.
In my case, God used my shirt not to send a message to others, but to convict me of my hypocrisy. I don't want to just wear the label, I want to live it. I want to be a reflection of agape love. Even to my heavenly sandpaper.
8 comments:
You know, I've never thought of Heavenly Sandpaper in that way. You are right.
And regarding bumper stickers, my husband has a bumper sticker on his car that says, "Don't worry. God is in control." He had a man stop him at a museum, told him all about his daughter that was just diagnosed with cancer and about how his bumper sticker was the thing he needed to see that day. Just the other day-- at a stop light-- a woman got out of her car, came up to my husband (scared him nearly to death) and told him thank you for his bumper sticker.
Some might want to "show them and not tell them" but sometimes that's just what people need. Hubs keeps getting stopped-- even in traffic.
That puts into words EXACTLY what I have been feeling lately. As I face the days ahead (with all the "mama" drama that comes with going back to school), I am going to reread this post over and over.
Thanks so much for it. Seriously.....
Have you secretly been eavesdropping into my life? HA..I have one of the "heavenly sandpaper" people in my life right now and well she won't be going anywhere 'cuz we are inlaws. Between my Beth Moore study this week and now your post, I see I have some things to ponder and change about my attitude.
Thanks for the great post!!
Like Beki, my heavenly sandpaper is a relative - my mother. It is a daily struggle to keep my heart soft and simply love her.
Thank you for this gentle yet poignant reminder of the need to love like Christ.
As I read this, I prayed, *Lord, don't let ME be the sandpaper in other people's lives.* I realize that with a few people, I could be. They could be writing this about ME. So, I am convicted today to try to be *smooth*, *already sanded* and *ready for paint*. Thank you JenMom.
what a beautiful reminder. I've been struggling with the SAME thing recently with one of my roommates. She sounds like the friend you described to a T! I've wanted to repay her rudeness with rudeness and its been a struggle to even *think* about loving her. I was discussing this with one of my friends and she reminded me that if I can't (and are trying NOT to) love my roommate then I really can't love Jesus. its not easy, but I'm learning so much through it. Thanks for sharing!!
I've been REALLY dealing with this issue lately. The same type of stuff, the self absorbed thing really bothers me so much. I realized I do the same thing (after reading your post) that I hold back love and get quiet around that person. You are right, THEY DON'T EVEN NOTICE....so that isn't working much.
Thanks for the post-these people do cause me to cry out to God more and ask for patience and now I'll pray that I continue to show love, even when it is hard.
Kelly
I love the wording of heavenly sandpaper. I called my person my irregular person. I did learn alot from her...she was my mother in law. I am ashamed that I did not always do right by her, I pray all of you can step up to the plate and do much better than I did. She just passed away. I can see where I could be one person's heavenly sandpaper, so I am doing my best to not be that person. I did learn lots and am grateful to Him for teaching me thru her, I am ashamed that I did not handle it better. I tried but I failed in so many ways. I was the one who did for her the last three years of her life. She didn't know it and she would not have been thankful...but He knew and I did it unto Him. That is what I aimed for...so do good girls and live unto Him as you are doing. Blessings...
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