Monday, July 20, 2009

More About the Bully

Thank you all so much for sharing in my anger regarding our incident Saturday. I wanted to fill in a couple of gaps...the man was not playing the game (it was one of those claws that drops and grabs a stuffed animal or toy). He was just standing with his back to it as he waited for his table. Also, it was a few minutes before I was reunited with my husband. He shared in my anger (and still does) but we decided there was absolutely nothing to be gained from going back up into the restaurant and confronting this man who was obviously irrational and looking for a fight. I did walk back by his table once (on my way to the restroom) and tried my best to stare him down--although he was honestly oblivious to my presence.

My children have not mentioned it again, but I am still really upset about the whole thing. As I have processed it all, I think the thing I feel must upset about is the assault to my feeling of safety...

My husband periodically reminds me that I am not invincible. I am not easily intimidated by rough people. I don't take crazy chances, but still operate out of a basic trust that most people are generally reasonable--and even if they are emotional, responding with a soft answer will most likely diffuse their wrath. The situation Saturday shook that belief for me.

It also served as a poignant reminder that I will not always be able to protect my children. I don't want to overly dramatize what happened, but the anger and hostility this man displayed for something so seemingly innocuous was a sign of something sinister deep within him. For all I know he had a knife or a gun...he was truly that intense.

My husband and I refer to ourselves as the "Safety Scotts." We are overprotective to a fault. We are big fans of life vests, five point harnesses, vaccinations, background checks for caregivers, kneepads, helmets and Purell.

The truth is, that is all an illusion. This world is not safe--and it takes but a moment--a tiny split second--for something to happen that threatens our mortal bodies. This is to say nothing of our hearts and the way they can be mangled and broken.

I feel like I lost a little innocence Saturday. And while the realizations I had were healthy, I prefer living life more trustworthy than suspicious and with more faith than fear.

Dear God, will you restore the balance in my life? Help me trust you and you alone for my protection and my peace. Trusting in anything else is false and foolish. Help my faith to be pure and true. And, Lord, wherever this man is tonight, I pray for his hard heart. Meanness does have a history. I pray that you will redeem his history for your glory.

6 comments:

Traci said...

I was so upset last night when I read this that I honestly have thought about it on and off all day long. Matter of fact, I told my kids about what happened in the car today (they really love looking at the pics of your kids and reading the stories about the things they say.) They were both offended and hurt as well, but they both were so impressed by how you handled it.

Your kids haven't said anything else because the threat was taken away when you stepped in even though you feel like it didn't get resolved well.

Our preacher just did a sermon on anger- James says "Be slow to anger" he doesn't say don't get angry. Anger is a God given emotion that helps us to protect important things that need protecting.

You did that.

The part I hate about my responsibility in a situation like that is that even though I am angry, God doesn't give me a free pass to respond in a way that I feel would be just.

The way you reacted in that situation was very Christ-like. That's all you're called to do.

I think Jesus is giving you a big thumbs up on this test!

And, DO NOT let a perfect stranger lead you to believe that you are somehow not well-equipped to parent your children. God decided you were, who cares what an hungry, angry man in a restaurant thinks.

GinnyBerry said...

I was wondering if you should take a self defense course or something yourself, or give the children self defense classes.(when they are a little older) I know that you do not want them to be either fearful or aggressive. I feel that while they are so young it is a parent's job to keep them safely under observation and in a trusted adult's care, and they are also in God's loving hands.

It's a tough thing, and reminds me of the time I realized that an adult (parent) was bullying my child on the ball field. It caught me totally by surprise.

I think you did the right thing at the time. I don't know what more you could have done without possible escalating the incident.

GinnyBerry

Unknown said...

Thanks for baring your heart to the world so that we can be encouraged by your faithfulness - not only to do the best you can to serve God in every situation, but to also examine your heart afterwards and be real about your struggles. You are always an encouragement to me, and your kids are truly blessed! I have no doubt that God has his hand of protection over your family, even (especially!) in the midst of scary situations like the one you just had.

Unknown said...

I have been reading your blog for a while, but never commented until now. I am with you in that I too operate with a basic trust that most people are reasonable - and I always give people the benefit of the doubt, it is just my nature. And even though lately, there have been a few times when that nature has caused me to be hurt, I still prefer to do as you and live my life more trustworthy than suspicious. I find that when I do live that way (trusting God and assuming the best) I have more joy and am happier than when I am in a time of being suspicious or critical of everyone or everything.

Anyway, all that to say, I love your blog and the amazing insights that you are so willing to write about. Thank you!

Amy said...

That was excellent - and VERY thought-provoking. Thank you -
Amy@balmingilead.typepad.com

Helen Joy said...

I was so upest when I read your story about the bully! That makes me so angry, and they aren't even my children!
I'm just starting to feel that mama bear in me starting to come out when I feel my baby is threatened.
When I was 5, my mom, my three sisters and I were eating at Wendys. She told me to go get some napkins for everyone and so I did.
I was getting a lot of napkins because we had a lot of messy people. A lady worker came up to me and slapped me across my hand. Hard. I started to cry and told my mother.
I remember how ANGRY she got in just a matter of seconds. I don't remember how she handled it, but I do know she still talks about it.
Thanks for sharing this story.