I was prepared to finish the Easter story. I had prayed about the talk and yet, somehow, as I was going through the Groundhog Day-ish routine of getting children fed and to bed, I lost track of the fact that it was Monday. It didn't even occur to me until I got an e-mail at 9:45 from one of the college interns who faithfully comes to be with the girls on Monday nights.
Even worse than my mistake is the fact that this is the second time in the last four weeks that I have done this.
I have a lot of faults and less-than-wonderful traits, but being a flake is generally not one of them. I value dependability and faithfulness to commitments. I know that one of the great scars many of these girls carry is adults not showing up for them. I was embarrassed and it really sickened me to feel like I was sending them the message that they are 'forgettable' or not a priority in my life. I felt terrible about it last night and woke up this morning thinking about how to make amends. I wanted to drop Easter goodies by the Home, but did not want to appear to think buying them stuff made up for my failure to show up.
My typical response to mistakes is to own up to them and apologize. The trouble with this one is that THE LAST thing I wanted to say to these girls was, "I forgot about it (you)." I was still mulling it all when I called Cabell to let her know I was praying as they head back to MD Anderson today for a pivotal appointment.
Because she is selflessly awesome, she thanked me for the prayers and asked what she could pray for me. As I shared my dilemma, she encouraged me to just level with them--admit that I messed up and I felt terrible--and to point out to them how afraid I was of sending a message that I did not consider them a priority. She then mentioned that she 'just happened' to have the EXACT number of small hand painted crosses as the number of 'regulars' in my group.
So, this morning I wrote letters of apology to each of the girls and attached the cross. humans' inability to be perfect for one another. Despite our noble intentions we blow it, we hurt each other, we disappoint. There is only one throughout history who has not failed or forsaken. We honor His sacrifice this week...and those little crosses will hopefully serve as poignant reminders of His great love.
And today I am thankful to serve the great Redeemer. I am a weak, broken, scatterbrained vessel, but He is mighty to save. He saved us from our sin 2000 years ago--and continues to right our wrongs today in ways that are for His glory.