I long for a morning routine that does not leave my family frenzied and frazzled! My husband generally leaves as we are waking up, so I am on my own as we eat, dress, brush, pack lunches and prepare for our day. The children are early birds, so they wake up almost 2 hours before we have to leave in the mornings. We have a standard routine that allows for generous windows of time for the key things we must accomplish.
Yet, the final 10 minute push to put on shoes, jackets and load the car inevitably ends up hairy. The primary source of the craziness is everyone's last minute desire to take a small toy in the car. Invariably this leads to comparison, demands for upgrades or trades, or a frantic last minute search for a toy no one has seen in days. I have attempted to mitigate this by counting to 10 and requiring everyone to be out the door. This helps, but still requires that I assume my Commander Mom voice before 8am.
Once in the car there is much dillydallying as we attempt to get settled...but the most frustrating part of the morning is unloading in car line. One of my real 'buttons' is feeling like I am inconveniencing someone else. Unfortunately, I all too often snap at my loved ones in order to avoid being rude to strangers.
Carline/Drop off in the mornings is the perfect storm for bringing out the frenzy in me. I know people hate being behind us because my children are still in five point harness car seats that require me to get out and unbuckle them. Getting all their loot together, putting away the toys, finding lost mittens or bows and unloading safely in a busy parking lot is a feat. When there is another car behind me, it might as well be flames lapping at me...and I nip at my children's heels to get them moving. As they walk into school, I shout that I love them and then hop in my car and pull away. As I exhale, I feel terrible that I have sent my children off into their day feeling stressed out rather than loved up.
So, today I decided that beginning Monday we will not have toys on the way to school and I am going to park and walk them in. It is a little less convenient, but hopefully a much better way to start our day. I want them to feel loved and grounded, not nipped, pecked and rushed. Is it possible?
22 comments:
I SO identify! We've started making big changes in the morning routine for the very same reason, and much to my surprise---it's been VERY pleasant. I'm much more calm and it helps set the tone for the whole day--for EVERYONE! I am also being intentional about not doing "extras" until all of the "need to do's " are taken care of (extras like starting laundry, returning email, putting dishes in dishwasher, etc.) These seem to take up WAY more time than I anticipate then leave me frazzled to get the kiddos ready. Sounds like you're making wise, proactive decisions to me!
Oh, Amy, those extras kill me too. Thanks for the challenge!!!
It sounds like you have a plan...which is great. Your willingness to try something until you find the solution is all that matters.
My kids are grown and I now have grandkids. They will be in school one day and I am sure their mom will face challenges, just as I did when my kids were in school.
I don't remember how I even came to your blog but I want you to know that I enjoy reading it. One church that we attended many years ago had a ladies group that varied in ages from the newly married to women in their 80's. It was a small church but our group had about 25 to 30 ladies. I loved that we could all learn from each other. I have gleaned from your blog. Thank you for sharing.
pscole3467 at gmail dot com
My children were also early risers when they were young like yours.
It pays off now. Even as teenagers, we NEVER have to wake them for school. They get up and moving on their own. It does pay off.
I think parking and walking them in is a great idea. The fact that you worry about the people behind you reminds me of myself. I get so uptight when I think somebody might be put out with me.
Good luck Monday.
I hear you on the morning frenzy and I only have two. We have come up with a few timesavers.
1)We pack as much of the lunches as we can the night before and put them in the fridge. In the morning we can just grab and go OR if they want hot lunch add the thermos part.
2)We put backpacks in the car the night before. This avoids overlooking the one someone sets down at the last minute...
3) No toys in the car or they must put their chosen toy in the car the night before with their backpack
4)I think walking them in is a lovely way to make them feel loved up although the parents behind you are just as frazzled and have had crazy mornings too. They understand more than you think...
Jmom, I find the same thing with the toys. For me, if I preempt the change with: "beginning Monday- there will be no more toys in the car on the way to school" things seem to go better.
I pretty much agree with what the others said- a) you are not alone in your feelings- doesn't change them, but sometimes helps us knowing we aren't alone. :) b)putting as much stuff together the night before.
Also for me, I find that I "bribe" my girls alot- you can't have/do abc until xyz is done. My husband is also good at the reverse psychology- "who can buckle in the fastest?" or do whatever the fastest. Doesn't always work, but a lot of times helps.
Ahhh, the joys of having multiples.
:) Wouldn't trade it for the world!!!!
-Gail
From the toy arguments to the car line, I totally, 100% related to this story. I love that you said that about inconveniencing (sp??) strangers, because I am RIGHT there, too! It doesn't make a any sense does it?
Some days are better for me if I pack everything the night before and tell myself that it's really 15 minutes later than it is.
Oh, and my kids are late sleepers- I have about an hour from when they get up to do all of the above by myself (like you). I don't know the solution, but so loved your write up on how it is with your crew. Thanks for making me feel normal!
I feel the same way many mornings! "Hurry up! We're late! I love you! Have a great day! Hurry!!!"
I am constantly trying to try to improve our morning routine - the real thing is, like most of my parenting struggles, I am the one who really needs to change & be more disciplined/ consistent with all of the good ideas already mentioned...
Anyway, your plan sounds like a good one and I hope it gives you a better, more peaceful feeling as you see them off to school!
If it ends up being more work to not have any toys in the car, maybe they could pick one or two to have in the car for the whole week?
Car line sounds miserable. I would be like you... my blood pressure would rise just knowing we were being watched and inconveniencing others. But really, I bet that people are feeling frustrated...until they see you with your THREE little ones. And after that, I bet you get more car line prayers than you know.
Sounds like you are doing great!
"I all too often snap at my loved ones in order to avoid being rude to strangers."
Yes, perfect words... this is me and my struggle.
I am praying for you to have renewed peace during your morning routine.
Love "peeking" into your life, and have gleaned much from your truth. Your words are real and transparent. I like and admire that.
Jen,
I'm a long time reader - first time commenter - I love your blog it is truly inspiring.
I went through this with my boys only a few short months ago and the change to our morning routine to allow more time for drop off (there is no line at their preschool) has made a total difference in everyones life at our house. There are no toys in the car and we have a big comfy chair in our living room that serves as our "launching pad" meaning it holds everything we wish to take with us the next morning (backpacks, jackets, hats, special supplies, etc...) I was so encouraged by the following results of my change:
1 - My 4 year old told me that his friends said I was the nicest mommy in the school (this warmed my heart!!). Since nothing elese has changed, I attribute this to the fact that they see me walk him in each morning (not rushed), help get his breakfast prepared, say a short prayer with him and love him up before leaving - I am not the rushed frazzled individual I used to be and that extra time means so much to him and obviously those around him.
I spoke to a girlfriend a few mornings ago, whom I have talked to a few mornings in the past after dropping the boys (she didn't know about my change) and she commented "Is everything ok? Where are the boys? Wow! you sound so peaceful!"
This will be the best change ever and not just change your morning but your whole day.
Good Luck!
Okay. This is all possible. First, I am in carline. I wouldn't be mad at you at all. Secondly, I have the 5 point harness car seat. K- now can unlatch herself, but knows that she may not do it until I tell her that it is okay. Finally, we've gotten away from this but this may work in your situation, we had car only toys. This way, they were special things that she could play with in the car only and NOT bring them in the house. This was the magnadoodle, or a particular coloring book. Right now, she is very happy to color in her car seat wherever we go. She just knows that it is for the car and it doesn't come out. You have the Britax seats like I do. Whatever they have, make it a general announcement when you are heading into carline that they must put their toy away in the net catch on the side of the seat. If K- pulls her bow out on purpose, (which she may not, but hear me out as I know that this might not work for you), send her without one for a day. It might make you twitch, though!
Your kids are good, but they are like everyone else's kids. They get frenzied when going out the door. I don't care how much time we have, there is always that last push out the door that makes all moms crazy.
Hang in there. And, remember, we moms in carline don't bite. We don't even throw flames, either!
Good idea- I can identify with you on this. Is it the same with our family, its not a fun feeling (guilt) to start your day off with.
Jmom..I am an old preschool teacher and I certainly understand your post!! I had to deal with many children who insisted on bringing their toys in to the classroom as Mom was too timid to just say..NO TOYS. So I was the Bad guy and had to tell them that toys from home had to stay in the backpack during school. I think you have hit on a good idea....that eliminates a lot of stress for you. Sometimes we have to step up and be THE MEAN MOM..lol. But most of the time, that jockeying for toys etc, is just something that they know pushes Mom's buttons. Preschoolers are much smarter than we give them credit for. Whatever helps you to be calm and focused in the morning is helpful to you and honoring to the Lord. Hang in there..you are doing a good job.
I can totally relate and share your convictions about this.
One suggestion: teach them to unbuckle their own carseats. My 4 1/2 year-old still rides in a 5 pt harness (my 6 y/o just moved out of one) and learned to open it himself a long time ago. Not because he's a brilliant Houdini but because I made him and his older brother practice until they could do it because I had a baby to unbuckle and was tired of taking soooo long to get out of the car. My kids all no that they are not allowed, under ANY circumstances to unbuckle until I say so. It makes life a whole. lot. easier when your kids can get in and out of the car by themselves.
Good luck with the new routine. Let me know how that "no toys" thing goes . . . may have to try that!
I can relate but as the flames behind you. I sometimes get so frustrated at the parents that have to stop and get out to help their children. From now on I will think of you and remember that those children need this time so they feel loved and not stressed. Thanks for helping me to remember others!
Pam
I was going to suggest parking and walking in...Thankfully, our preschool did not have a drop off line and we had to walk-in. Not always the best on rainy/snowy days with an infant in tow, but ultimately a lot calmer.
For the toys: instead of banning them all together how about having them pick out something as soon as they wake up or at some other point when the morning is calmer. Or even the night before and have it go into their backpacks. Or if you ban toys altogether replace them with books!! My car is always full of books...
You don't mention it being an issue, but the biggest help I found to smoothing our transition in the morning is to eliminate TV completely!
I have a friend who is expecting quads and everytime I read your posts I think of her.
Hope things improve for you.
Marianna
I so needed to read this blog today. We go through the same frenzy every morning. And it's the last 10-15 minutes that make the rest of the morning frazzled. From getting their jackets and backpacks on, to picking out that perfect toy... SAME EXACT struggle here! And even when they get in the car they are vying to get the other's toy. I am going to take some of the tips and try them out. Thanks everyone.
thank you so much for posting about this! my little guys aren't in school yet, but i never would have thought of these issues until confronted with them! please let us know what you try, and if anything works out.
what a blessing to your children to realize that they need something different in the morning. just think of the memories you will create instead of what they would have been.
xoxo
I'm right there with you. The car line was horrendous for me at the beginning of the school year because my son was practically the only kid in a 5-point harness in the elementary school and I always had to help him out and several cars waiting. I finally decided I'd just walk him in each day.
Great post! I really enjoy reading you blog. As a mom of a nursing infant, a toddler, and a preschooler I can totally relate to your morning frenzy. In fact, I often joke to friends who've comment on my quick loss of baby weight that it's because I don't get a chance to eat until 2 p.m. when they're napping!
We, also used to have the toy thing in the car...and with the toddler being even slower than the preschooler it was really holding us up. I warned them in advanced that we weren't bringing anything with us (they now have one small stuffed animal each that stays in the car 24/7 for them to snuggle) and it has been tons better. Instead of a frazzled mommy speeding to school, there's a mommy who enjoying singing silly songs and counting fire hydrants (my son's favorite car activity).
As far as the carline; you new plan sounds great. However, on the days that you are going through carline, just remember that everyone gets their turn and everyone has to wait. It's just a part of the school experience. You do the best you can, but everyone's situation is different and with three little ones trying to get out and get to their classes, it's not the end of the world for someone to be held up and extra 30 seconds and hopefully they'll be gracious and understanding.
I went back to work last week after maternity leave. I am up two hours before we have to leave for school, however I feel that last minute rush! I hate that feeling too! I know I say hurry up to much to my four year old, she tells me so. If you get it figured out, let me know!
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