Some of the best, most practical mothering advice I have received lately has involved how to 'be ready' for my children at the end of their school day. As a type-A, productivity-loving, formerly white collar, professional woman I balked at this advice at first. Then I tried it and I am a HUGE fan.
My goal is to spend the final hour before I head out to carpool pick up line at home, making sure the sink is empty, laundry is fairly put away and I am mentally calm and ready to receive my little people. I take a last glance at my daily list and if there are things I want to read (i.e., the news or blogs :-), phone calls I need to make, e-mails to be sent, etc...I really strive to do those things BEFORE I go pick them up. If they cannot be done, I resign that they must wait until the following day.
Before I heeded this advice, pick up time was more of a smoke from the wheels, using every last second--sometimes even exasperating--moment. The children were sometimes dragged along for another hour or so of errands which was frustrating for everyone involved.
I realize my situation is unique, in that, I do not have other little people at home anymore--but this new system has made me a MUCH better Mommy. I feel like I am finally being intentional about giving my children my best self in the hours we have together in the afternoon, rather than making them compete against my to do list. (I think that lesson in and of itself could probably be adapted for folks in lots of different situations.)
I used to have a lot of guilt about down time, but this new approach has allowed me to reframe down time as quiet preparation time...and while we still have our moments, the overall improvement has been awesome.
There appears to be some value to this whole concept of 'being still' afterall. :-)
13 comments:
It's Thur eve... waiting for the Mr. to return home with my two oldest (I have teen twin boys), hanging out with out with our adopted pre schooler (China forever family)... somehow I found your most beautiful blog. WOW. I am inspired. I wish I could tell you from the clicking through blog lists how I got here, but I can't. But I am glad I was able to visit. I'll be back,
Roxanne
I love this, I need to try it. They don't appreciate all the errands and stuff I'm trying to finish when I pick them up!!!
I'm sure your hubby appreciates it too :)
It's counter to the culture, but we've found that just being home in general - together without a to list or tv, etc. is priceless. :) God Bless!
Awesome advice!
I have realized that having time to do those things without the kids around really makes me a better mother. I have friends who don't EVER get a break from their kids (reasons are financial sometimes and sometimes just out of martyrdom). For various reasons (imo, not always the best reasons), they don't want to send them to preschool or mother's day out. I don't think we get any rewards in heaven for DOING IT ALL, ALL THE TIME!
I know (and it didn't take me long to figure it out) that I am a MUCH better mom when I can have time alone to do all that "necessary yucky stuff". When they are back with me, I am focused on them, and not constantly frustrated that "I never have any time to myself to get stuff done!!!"
Work in progress, work in progress!
This is so true. With two kids in school (8 and 11) and a little one at home I even rest up for the hours when they get home. That way I can be refreshed and ready to be in the moment.
Great Advice.
I need you to come over and teach me how to be organized! Seriously! I so want to have that in me! I think I can count on my hands the times I have made lists! I am not sure if I am even a type B maybe C... probably just plain ole lazy! : )
That after-school time is so crazy at my house...I actually sometimes dread the first few minutes of them bursting in the door all talking at the same time, vying for my attention. The worst thing, I think, is to be "doing something else"...talking on the phone, cleaning, etc. I agree...it's so much better to just be "done" with my day. I think they deserve my full attention. Great post! You are such a good mom!
Great advice...I am going to really work on this one. I have 1 in school full time and the other 2 are in 3 mornings of preschool...Love Love Love this idea, it makes sense! Thank you for sharing!
I know how busy you are and that the children are gone a good portion of the day but....
I really miss seeing their precious little faces! Can you post more pics of them? :o)
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I am a first grade teacher who daily puts children in cars at pick-up time. They are so very excited to talk about their day! The majority of times, there is a parent in the car on the cell phone who is "shussh-ing" them or waving them quiet. The disappointed look on the little faces just kills me every time. My message to these moms would be "Slow down: mine were 6 yesterday and now they are married." Your three are blessed to have you.
I like your idea, but I want to add another... I leave early to go sit and park in my daughter's school car line (goal is at least 15 mins. early) and sit in the quiet, with the car off and do my quiet time. It gives me a set-aside time, with no distractions. Then when my daughter gets in the car, I've had some time of spiritual refreshment and am all ready to hear about her day, in the "right" frame of mind.
I love this concept!
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