The Truth

Motherhood and marriage: the great equalizers and the best dose of reality and humility I can imagine.

Before these two life changing events, I felt pretty good about myself. I was a 'good girl.' I only tried alcohol once before I was 21. I waited until marriage for you-know-what. I have never tried illicit drugs and have never been arrested (although I have had far too many speeding tickets to be considered law abiding). I volunteer. I was a working, productive member of society. I was not a debtor. Sure there was the white lying that most people do, the occasional gossip if it was really juicy, the sins in anger...but, seriously, sin did not seem like that big of an issue. I was a 'good' person.

That, it seems, was my problem. I could not embrace the cross and the truth of what Jesus did for me because I was living under the illusion that I really did not have that big of a problem to begin with. It was easy to look at the world and compare my sin to theirs. I wasn't killing people, fornicating, robbing others. We can always find people worse than us, can't we?

Then came marriage and shortly after that motherhood. Boy oh boy, do I now see the selfishness that permeates my daily life. I want to be princess of my world. I want my children to look, speak and behave a certain way. I want my husband to read my mind and know exactly what I'd like done without me having to tell him. I want my house a certain way, my schedule 'just so.' Generally, my intentions (on the surface at least) are true and good. I want to do well with what the Lord has entrusted me and to work as if unto Him and not unto man.

All it takes in a temper tantrum in public and the subsequent humiliation and anger I feel, to remind me that I still have a whole lot of pride wrapped up in this job. I get angry and flustered over things that, in the grand scheme, are not that important. Often when I actually pause to examine my snappiness or frustration, selfishness is the clear root of the problem. I wanted...I didn't want...I needed...I am not in the mood to...These thoughts cloud my perspective and lead me down a path to a pity party.

I have been reflecting on this during this Holy Week. I need Jesus. Left unto my flesh, I do OK...but the hope of the resurrection gives me a whole different perspective. I need His grace and forgiveness. I. am. a. sinner.

The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. I Timothy 1:14-16

Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:7-8