Yesterday morning, while the children were at preschool, I was at our local prison visiting a former resident of the children's home where I volunteer. I have hesitated to post about this because I do not want to appear to be seeking any sort of glory. The truth is I was scared to death and did not 'want' to go. I knew without a doubt God wanted me to go, though. I was clumsy and nervous. I had no idea what I was supposed to do or say when I got there. I merely knew, deep in my soul, that I was supposed to show up and show love to this lost child who is in trouble.
It was a heavy, emotional morning as I wept with and over this young woman who has so much potential (this time last year she was graduating with honors from high school) but has found herself surrounded by sin. She is in very big trouble as a result of some poor choices she has made. My heart aches for her.
Then, I had to flip a switch and return to silly, playful Mommy mode as I spent the afternoon with my children. As I showered them with hugs and kisses, I could not help but contrast how full their life is of reminders of how loved, valued and protected they are compared to how completely alone and empty my young friend is feeling in jail.
My children's perspective on the world is pure and innocent--not yet marred by the harsh reality of evil and suffering. Her family situation is broken and riddled with addiction. Her boyfriend is trouble (and now incarcerated himself). She has lost her job as a result of this arrest...and her hopes for a college scholarship and a professional career are now in jeopardy.
Meanwhile, my children frolic innocently and carelessly through the day. Their emotional and material needs are met. They are challenged and encouraged. They are reminded constantly of their parents' (and more importantly their Heavenly Father's) unconditional love.
Somehow it does not seem fair that this child did not have the same opportunity growing up. I feel guilty that mine 'have' what others do not. Yet, I know that to whom much is given, much is required. I know withholding from my children does not magically equalize the world. I am reminded that I must instill in them a knowledge of what it means to really love and serve their neighbors. It is not enough to talk the talk, to feel sad for people who are down and out...we are called to show them the love of God. We must be His hands and feet. Even when it means going where we do not feel comfortable, fearing rejection and mindful that we 'didn't sign up for this.'
I haven't felt as sure of God's presence as I felt yesterday morning in a long time. I wasn't equipped, but I was called. Nervously and fearfully I followed and God showed up.
This story doesn't have a cute little happy ending. It is far more raw and real than that...but I was able to tell her she was worth something. That she was so precious Jesus died on a cross for her and that even as she sat on the other side of the glass in her orange jumpsuit, He would do it again.
As I told her that truth, I was reminded of its power. I left there and cried some more. This time, not so much for her as for me. How can I get so wrapped up in my Christian suburbia that I forget the reality of the Gospel?
Forgive me, Father.
13 comments:
WOW! All I can say is God bless you for being so honest and saying what many of us feel. I had a post a few weeks ago about priorities and how we can prioritize so many things in our lives, except for Him. Our focus on the earthly world often times puts a barrier b/w us and our Heavenly Father. Thank you for reminding that girl how much God does love her.
I often wonder whey some of us are chosen to be raised in loving, Christian homes and others in homes of abuse and neglect.
And how would I have turned out if I hadn't been born to the wondeful parents I have?
I think your children will grow up appreciating what they have and loving to serve others because they will see that in you and their dad. And there is no better gift than that!
What a wonderful post. I sometimes feel so guilty when those around me reap the consequences of poor choices which are a result, in part, of the upbringing they had.
I am so fortunate for the good choices of my parents and my husband's parents and sometimes forget that everyone is not so blessed. I wonder why I was born in such a loving, Christian home versus the home and family they were or were not given. It's very humbling to realize that it could be me instead of them. I'm thankful that your friend has your support during this time and maybe you can be the encouragement she never got at home.
One of the most powerful messages I have ever heard preached was about how God pursues and searches out the edges to find those who need him. The ones who are on their deathbeds, the ones who have ever disadvantage in their lives, the ones caught in addiction. He searches out those on the edge. I am from a dysfunctional family. I KNOW this sermon to be true from a personal experience and it can be true of this girl as well. How wonderful that you allowed God to use you as the "searcher".
It is such a simple concept but so often not demonstrated....the fact that you show your kids how much you care about others with your words AND actions. What a great testimony. Thanks for the post.
I so agree with you, and I really appreciate your sharing a story from your life that wasn't just "fluff". I mean, I love sharing what our kids are doing and what we have going on here in suburbia, but I am so inspired and grounded when I hear about other women who make it a point to focus on others in need instead of always focusing on their own lives. Thank you!
Wow- great post!
Thank you for this post - working in the nonprofit world, I can get so discouraged and hopeless. Sometimes I feel like it's a neverending cycle of drug abuse, lack of education, poverty, gangs, etc. - but then, my mind is put at ease knowing that there are people who are being the SALT OF THE EARTH - telling others that no matter how down and out you are, there is a God who is loving and merciful and forgiving and MIGHTY. Thank you for your precious words today.
Hi there. I stumbled across your blog and wanted to comment on this post. I did not grow up in a Christian home, and my parents, but for the grace of God, could have been sitting in orange jumpsuits themselves. And while I was growing up, I don't recall too many people reaching out and showing me or my family Christ's love. But, I can tell you, I was profoundly touched by the ones who did. So, blessings to you for listening to God and for being a human vessel through which He could reach out to that girl. You may never fully know how important that encounter was to her in her life and her walk.
Just beautiful! And, I truly pray that God will bless that visit with a heart for Him from that precious child of His.
I'm filled with complete gratitude and I thank you.
Hugs~
Fran
I love this story. I have felt the same way so many times when my kids were growing up. We didn't have a lot of material things, but my kids always knew we were there for them, listened to them and loved them. We never missed their ball games or school events. So many of my daughter's friends were from broken homes or some type dysfunction. My kids are grown and gone, but they still know they can tell us anything and we'd drop everything for them. I used to wonder why other kid didn't have what my kids were fortunate enough to have. It would make me sad.
I try to be interested in all the youth in my path and the stories they tell, the things they invite me to. It's important to them.
My husband and I work with our youth at church and there are situations that break my heart. Several of the kids who come on Wed. nights don't even go to our church, but feel comfortable and loved those two hours each Wed. night.
You did a good thing by going to the prison. Your children will grow up seeing a mom who feels for others and they will grow up to be grateful.
Thanks for the post.
Blessings to you,
Valerie
Your post gripped my heart! We all have choices to make and we must stay close to the heart of The Father in order to make right choices.
As I read your post I thought that God can give this young lady an opportunity that maybe we don't know of. I don't mean to make light of her situation and have a child who came from this background (adopted) and people in my life who have gone done similar paths. I believe the one thing they can stand on is the knowledge that they are helpless without God. When we grow up without that we sometimes can feel we can do it on our own. When the situation is bad it's all we have to look on (or up). I pray for this situation to turn around but don't feel guilty as all people will eventually have something in their lives. If anything we need to do what you are showing and that is compassion and not judgement. Judgment will only make amtters worse.
Thanks for letting me share.
Blessings,
Debbie aka The Real World Martha(S)
http;//realworldmartha.wordpress.com
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