As I have been reflecting on my shortfalls as a mother, my mind has naturally gone to how my children will think and speak of me when they are older. Will they remember a Mommy who played with them? Will they recall with appreciation that I spoke to them and answered their questions as if they were valuable little people capable of understanding? Will they resent that I documented portions of our life for all the world to see? Or will it be that I didn't watch television when they were around, but I did often have my head down in my laptop while they were playing? Will they remember my apologies after I blew it and the lessons I tried to incorporate about sin and forgiveness....or will they simply remember that I blew it a lot? Will they appreciate my heart for ministry and service or resent that I didn't cook often or sew, as a result of my time out of the home?
I must admit this thought of my legacy haunts me a little. For although I know I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, I know that I am trying so hard to do the right things for our family and in honor of the God we serve. Will it really count that most of the time my heart was in the right place, despite my foibles...or will that be lost in translation or relegated to a footnote?
Can you tell I am an achiever that longs to make the folks I love proud of me?
I was reminded of this post I wrote while reading Sacred Parenting. If my point in raising my children is my own glory, honor and praise...my legacy, I will be frustrated at every turn. The objective as Gary Thomas taught me in his book, is for our children to worship God, not us. It seems obvious, but being willing to risk your pride so that someone else gets the honor and glory is contrary to our nature. Sometimes it is hard, even when it is God Almighty.
This morning, I read the first few pages of Abba's Child by Brennan Manning. As he speaks of the self-flagellation we Christians often engage in--in the name of confession and repentance--he calls it unhealthy for the body and the soul. His encouragement, instead, is to simply bring ourselves into the presence of Jesus. Think about that. Very simple, but so challenging.
So this morning, as I wait for my children to rise and the day to begin, my prayer is that God will take away my own thoughts and objectives for what kind of wife, mother, woman I am to be and replace them with His leadership.
Lord, what do You have planned for my life today? I humbly submit to Your Will, not my own. Give me a fresh dose of grace. Guard my heart and mind from comparison to others--how I wish I had their gifts, their call...May I embrace my own cup and be found faithful, loving and kind.
That is a big prayer...I'd better get another cup of coffee! :-)
11 comments:
Um, I think I've said it before, but it is worth saying again: when I have kids (you know, 37 years from now) can you please be my parenting mentor?
Please?
Pretty please with a cherry on top?
Great thoughts for me to ponder on this morning. Sacred Parenting has been on my want-to[read list for some time. Thanks for sharing your heart.
So well said. Thanks for blessing so many of us with your blogging.
I loved this whole thing, Jen. But the quote from Abba's Child really hit a nerve with me. I've been thinking the same thing myself lately. Sometimes, we make this life harder than God intends it to be. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. My desire is to just live with Him, day to day, and enjoy His presence.
I've added yet another book to my Amazon Wish List.
The Lord prompted me to write and tell you not to worry about your mistakes. You are doing so much good and right and seeking Him that the love you have will cover the multiudes of sin that you commit. I don't remember the bad from my childhood, I only remember the good. I do remember some of her faults but her unconditional love for me covers those. I believe it is the same for my two. My son tells of the good things that we don't even remember instilling or even doing. I believe you have nothing to be concerned with. The enemy is trying to make you doubt etc. Look up just like you are...He is there and He is helping and overseeing and guiding. You are ceating a wonderful legacy...You love Him and them and that says it all , I believe.
From the moment those precious babies are placed in our arms, our job is to teach them to leave us. We teach them skills to see them through the inevitable frustrations and also skills to help them enjoy their successes without an excess of pride. We teach them to depend on God and not themselves. We teach them that life's not fair but they'd better sure tootin' do their best to be so. And the only way to do this is to root them firmly in the ways of the Lord.
I was struck anew by this when catching up with a friend I envied in high school - the popular, "pretty" girl who seemed to have it all. She was on her second marriage, deep in therapy and seemed totally adrift. It hit me that my parents had certainly done their job - I knew WHO I was, I knew WHOSE I was, and I knew WHAT my purpose was! And I needed no therapy to try to figure it out. Praise God!!
So keep training those children to be parents themselves one day. They never truly leave - they just get "promoted". My three are all married and have children of their own and we love spending time with them. We enjoy that baby stage again now with our grandchildren and are struck again by the wonderful plan He set in motion.
You might find this blog entry interesting if you have the time.
http://mrsculater.blogspot.com/2007/08/thoughts-on-so-called-supermoms.html
Can I read this blog every morning before my cup of coffee? I needed this reminder today. Zoe (my kindergartner) is home on Spring Break this week. She's driving me insane and it's only Tuesday. But I think my frustration comes from my priorities aren't 100% inline. So THANK YOU...
Wow! You can not imagine how this ministered to me. Your blog is such a blessing. From someone with very similar struggles, thank you.
Good stuff.
Lately my eyes have been opened to how the NT writers viewed God as completely and totally sovereign. "If the Lord wills..." such and such will happen, even when talking about them maturing in their faith.
It has really helped free me from some of my anxiety and concern for the type of worries you talk about here. I am asking myself if I truly believe that He will complete the work He has begun in our family. The answer is YES, but I must regularly be reminded of that, and that is what happens when I bring myself into the presence of Jesus,like you said. I get a sense of His all encompassing power and goodness, and it changes me, and frees me up to step out of His way, and be more of a vessel, than the one making it all happen.
Anyhoo, great thoughts of yours, as always. Thanks.
Have you heard the song Legacy by Nicole Nordeman? Find it. Totally puts this post into song. You are doing a great job.
I so neede to read this..It was so well put- and I neede the reminder of where my focus should be in my parenting! Blessings!
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