Yesterday morning in Bible Study I asked a question I have been mulling. I wanted to bring it up again here, because I think it warrants some thought, prayer and discussion.
Is all pride sinful or is it possible to be appropriate in your pride? I take pride in keeping a clean and organized home. I am proud of my husband's incredible work ethic and kindness. I am proud of my children when they learn a new skill.
I am, by nature, an encourager. I want to tell those I love that I am proud of them. Secular parenting seminars encourage us to instill pride in our children. Don't we want them to feel good about a job well done?
Yet, as I searched the concordance of my NIV Bible, every reference to pride in Scripture appeared to condemn it. When I did a search on Bible Gateway, only nine out of 63 references to the word pride were positive. The majority of those were as the writer referred to his pride in the recipients of the epistle. In Beth Moore's Daniel study, she asserts that most every sin stems from either pride or unbelief.
But, I am confused by Galations 6:4 "Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else." (NIV)
Here it is in the Message: "Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life."
I want to know what this means. I want to know how to model the right things for my children. After a long, hard day, it feels good to think back over the successes and be proud. Not to feel 'better than others' just to feel like good things were accomplished amidst the chaos of life. But, as we all know, just because it feels good, it isn't necessarily right.
Can someone help a sister out here? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject--especially as it pertains to your self esteem as a wife and mother and what you are imparting to your children.
19 comments:
I don't have any real help, but my guess is that it's a case where we don't have enough English words for something. These types of pride are very different. One of them is self-promotional. We assume that we are better than God and know better than God. We can do it our way and don't really need Him. It's very destructive, and a sin.
The other kind is not like this at all. We want to do well with what God has given us...to have a good work ethic and do all things to His glory. This is having integrity in our actions, and God should be glorified, not us.
Anyway, my guess is that like the word "love" we just don't have enough different words to communicate a different thing.
I love what Kel has said. And I don't have any great answers on this but the Bible has a lot to say about pride, but for me it's hard to separate that there is more than one kind. Pride, according to Webster's, is "an overhigh opinion of oneself".
And I don't think that's what you are trying to communicate. Maybe you are "satisfied" with your achievements over the day?
Because when you look at pride, it's just not pretty:
(1 John 2:16 --"For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world")
As a mom and wife, you are in a position of sevanthood - and the Bible says that the great are the servants, not the proud. (I think it's in Luke)
I have never read any other translation but the King James, so I don't know about the different references to pride. I cannot find one positive reference in mine. What does that mean?
(I have to say that now I must do a study on Pride...this is very interesting - so thanks for stirring my so-called "pot". :)
The Greek word for pride in Galations 6:4 is kauchaomai (verb) or kauchema (noun) - It means to rejoice in, glory in and can refer to proper or improper boasting depending on the subject. (Greek key word study bible) The verse says,"Each one should test his own actions, then he can take pride in himself." The greek word for "test his own actions" (ergron) means to work. The New Testament Lexical aid says this, "The works of Christians are designated not simply as works but GOOD works (emphasis mine). Good works are acts which evidence faith (James 2:14) ; faith is demonstrated by its works (James 2:22, 25)."
So taking pride in good works, those works which demonstrate faith, are not considered sinful, rather proper, joyful boasting in works devoted to Him.
Raising children to love the Lord are works devoted to Him. Encouraging and supporting a spouse as he examples Christ in the workplace are works devoted to Him. Using a blog to demonstrate the love of Jesus on a daily basis are works devoted to Him.
I think that the model you example is biblically sound.
My thought is when we look back over our "good" day of accomplishments and do not give credit to the Lord for leading us, that is pride.
I think satisfaction in our accomplishments becomes pride when we forget who has allowed and provided us with the situations with which we have been successful. And it is God who is in control of everything. When we get satisfied with ourselves and are not thankful to God, we are going to get in trouble.
My hubs always says, "When things start going right, we need to start praying"! I have the tendency to "forget" about God when everything is going right.
Perhaps a prayer of thanksgiving at the end of a "successful" day and seeking the Lord's guidance in the coming day...being dependant on Him.
BTW, I love your blog and your transparency. I can totally relate! :)
I just posted on this pride versus humility issue. I really believe, after much prayer and "mulling" myself, that God wants us to have healthy pride and confidence in the gifts and abilites he has provided. As long as we know WHO deserves the credit, and constantly keep that in check, it should be healthy. It's only when we start to let that pride go to our heads and have us believe that we did it on our own or deserve even a small amount of the credit that we get in trouble.
I can tell by your pursuit of this knowledge, that you probably already understand this. There is no doubt that you give God the credit for your gifts. That message is the one we teach our children.
Here is the post: http://faithfulchick.blogspot.com/2008/02/10-minute-tuesday-2-corinthians-31-5.html
Love,
faithful chick
You're right this is something to struggle out with the Lord! I think the hardest part is our English language using the word pride for both good and bad pride. See webster below...
Main Entry: 1pride
Pronunciation: \ˈprīd\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English prȳde, from prūd proud — more at proud
Date: before 12th century
1: the quality or state of being proud: as a: inordinate self-esteem : conceit b: a reasonable or justifiable self-respect c: delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship [parental pride]
2: proud or disdainful behavior or treatment : disdain
3 a: ostentatious display b: highest pitch : prime
4: a source of pride : the best in a group or class
5: a company of lions
6: a showy or impressive group [a pride of dancers]
Having pride in accomplishments, yet knowing that all our lives are usless without the grace imparted by the Holy Spirit to perfect our work, does not seem to be the context of the negative references to pride in the Bible.
You might want to invest in an Amplified version. It lists all the possible meanings of words translated so we can get a full picture of what the Greek/Hebrew meant. Its negative aspect is that its longer (more words) and can be a little awkward, but is a good reference Bible to own.
Ps. 10:2, Prov. 8:13 (listed as pride and arrogance)
Ps. 73:6 Refers to how pride is a chain around one's neck. The wrong type of pride is definitely a slavery. Unfortunately it isn't telling us exactly where to draw the line.
Prov. 11:2 (pride and swelling - big head? :) )
Prov. 13:10 (only pride brings contention)
Prov. 16:18 (pride/haughty spirit)
Prov. 29:23 (pride contrasted with humility) I think this is the KEY thought. We can have a positive pride in our family, yet if we fail to be humble before God about it, it is just as dangerous as arrogant pride.
Ezek. 7:10 (pride has budded) this brought destruction.
Dan. 4:37 (Nebuchadnezzar refers to how those who are proud God will humble)
Obed. 1:3 (pride decieved...trusting in strong city instead of God)
1 Tim 3:6 (pride and conciet - Satan's sins in heaven)
1 John 2:16 (The pride of life - amplified says... assurance in one's own resources or in the stability of earthly tings - these are NOT from the Father but are from the world)
This is an overview from my little concordance, but it seems there is a fine line where pride (positive feeling from an accomplishment) can cross the line to exclude God as the enabler. And also a lack of humilty. Matthew 5 says "Blessed are the meek". God looks for humilty in our lives. When we sense a feeling of pride in our family's or personal accomplishment we must remember to give God the glory.
Recently, at my church in Memphis, we have been talking about boasting- which I associate with pride- and how Christians often have it all wrong. We always say "don't boast," and "don't be proud". The Word clearly tells us to "Boast only in the Lord". From what is sounds like to me, you are boasting in the Christ-like aspects of your husband, children, etc. I guess if you boast in The Lord's goodness and growth in your family, that is Biblical AND pleasing to Him.
I love your blog.
I don't think you are being the wrong kind of prideful with your children or husband. You are giving the Lord credit and boasting in Him, not yourself. Like the others have said, it's when we cross the line and are giving ourselves the credit and not Him. For example, when someone praises me for the way my adult children have turned out. I do not take the credit, nor do I take the blame for thier messups and one has done some humdingers. I do not have pride in what they do for the Lord, do I take it, that it was because of my raising them. I KNOW enough of my heart and what I didn't do, to really believe that it was all or even in a big part due to me...You sound to me like a very wise young woman and you are most certainly on the right track with your children. I am so in love with them. They are just precious looking and you can see thier personalities in their faces and eyes. You are a very blessed family. Blessings on you as you raise them in the Lord.
During the days of creation after each day "God saw it was good". He doesn't dwell on how mighty He is, but he recognizes the accomplishment. I think if we can look back on our moments/accomplishments throughout the day and see them as "good" then that is okay. Maybe pride is just the wrong word?
You have made me think too. Pride - if you feel good after a day well done and that leads you to imitate this good day the next day and to improve on it, how can that be bad? ...but if it makes a person take the credit and boast instead of realizing God gave them the grace to do it, then it is not for the Good.
I think it's okay to stop and realize the truth about our strengths for a short time. Soon we'll be humbled by our weaknesses. To God be the glory!
I have been busy with children for the last several hours and just checked in on the comments while they are having rest time...Ya'll are so awesome! What wisdom, insight, encouragement and research!
Can I put you all on speed dial?
You've raised an interesting topic, and I'm just commenting off-the-cuff here, without the time to give it deep thought or research. But when I read what you wrote about looking back over your day and wanting to feel good about your successes, the phrase that came to my mind was being "pleased with myself." I wonder, is that the same as pride, or is that merely honestly assessing your behaviors, words and thoughts in the context of God's expectations for you? I completely understand what you're saying there, because often at the end of a day, I'll do a similar assessment. I never thought of it as being prideful, but I'll definitely chew on this for a while, as well as go back and see what your other commenters have to say when I have a few more minutes!
(Hope that wasn't too rambling, since I'm trying to type quickly!)
I believe false humility is as bad as pride is, and maybe even the same as. Pride that places you above someone else, in a comparison way isn't good, but having a sense of "well done, good and faithful servant" about any of the tasks of the day, I think that's just fine. I believe the Proverbs 31 woman probably was pleased at the end of the day to see what her hands had accomplished, as a way to honor God, rather than to compare to the woman next door. Maybe "pleased" is a better word than "pride". Just pure pleasure is knowing you've done what you were supposed to do, honored God in all you did that day.
I like to think that when those moments of appropriate proudness come in....then, that is the Holy Spirit working good things out in the lives of others and we instantly say "thank you Jesus" for giving that person a work ethic of integrity or excellence, my children the ability to learn something new, the opportunity to have a clean, organized house, etc.
So....I may be off base, but when you see things that are something to be proud about....give God that glory and praise He so deserves.
Every gift is from Him.
I don't have anything very theological to add except to say when I feel like I've done a good job with my kids I believe God delights in that along with me. As moms in the trenches day after day we seem to get it wrong more than we get it right. I think it's important to stop and celebrate those times when there is a win at home and thank God for it. If that's pride than I'm ok with it.
There are so many great comments here, I just wanted to add a thought (a little late.) I have thought about this too. Sometimes just coming up with different words helps me. For example, instead of telling my children 'I'm so proud of you!' I try to say '"you did a great job"or "you are so smart/kind/helpful/talented etc." This also puts the focus more on the child and not my opinion of them, if that makes sense. Instead of "I'm proud of myself for __", I try for "I'm happy I could __" or I'm thankful I could ___" etc. I think recognizing and being happy about goals we have achieved or things we've done 'right' is so important and healthy! we just need to always acknowledge it all comes through the Lord.
What Bev said! I completely agree with her. I do think false humility is pride. Everything else she said too!
When my kids do something, like try something new, or act especially kind to someone for example, things that God wants us to do, I usually say, "Wow, I bet you feel good about that! You really showed courage." Then, during bedtime prayers I might thank God that He gave that child the courage to do whatever it was, and that the child chose to follow that nudge to courage or kindness.
When I read Paul, I get a sense of him feeling good about what he is doing, strengthened by the Lord. I've just read 2 Corinthians 5-6. He says in v.6:4 "Rather as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance, in hardships..." I think he's saying, here's some fruit, actual things we are doing that show God working in us.
Anyway, let us know what you come up with, I've enjoyed everyone's comments on this topic.
I have a song running through my head right now by Watermark "I was created to praise you!" I'm sure you know the one I'm referring to, but after reading your post and all the comments, my thought is that God has designed us to glorify Him. And while we are called to praise Him in all situations, as I think about the "Father-Child" relationship He has with us, it makes me consider how I parent my own children. I want them to feel good about their life. I want them to have that deep peaceful feeling at the end of the day - like someone else already mentioned, the "well done, good and faithful servant." So my take on it is that God allows us to experience those pleasurable moments of life as a vehicle to bring our focus back to Him and praise him for it.
I've also been considering this issue a lot lately. I work from home, which has it's own challenges, but when my work is going very well, and things are quite successful, I feel embarrassed about feeling "proud." Kinda like, maybe I shouldn't get excited about the success because it's not necessarily of my own doing?? So I take it right back to God - thanking Him for providing monetarily for my family - for blessing us with a successful month. It's not me saying "Oh, look at how good I am! We wouldn't be having this great month if it weren't for my amazing talents...blah blah blah" No - instead I try to continually realize that HE is the giver of all good gifts and I humbly say THANK YOU for being my God who provides.
Thank you for inviting us into this discussion. I admire your insight and depth so very much.
I love what Purpose Driven Life's Rick Warren says about pride. He says that we often only view pride in the sense of thinking too highly of ourselves. He says is also thinking poorly of ourselves. It's just thinking of ourselves too much in general.
He says we should define pride not as "thinking less of ourselves, but thinking of ourselves less."
I've held onto that.
My pastor once said to me, "Have a godly sense of pride in yourself. You are too hard on yourself."
I was trying to escape pride and still being prideful on "the other end" of pride.
I feel so much more settled now as a whole after searching this out. I pray the same for you! Excellent question!
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