Baby Love

This post will probably not be very coherent, because it is really a brain dump of sorts. When my husband & I were away this weekend we started discussing how we 'baby' our children...and how to determine when, if and how they should be "toughened up." I am still processing this subject.

As we approach four years old, I increasingly find this to be such an interesting age. They are clearly not babies, yet they are not full-fledged big kids. I am trying to intentionally give them specific daily responsibilities, yet, we carry them more often than we probably should. We dress them far more frequently than they dress themselves. They just started getting their own milk out of the refrigerator last week. I admit most of the babying we do is habit--and the fact that it is just more efficient. I am realizing I need to take the time to let them do more for themselves.

They vacillate between wanting to be held, coddled and catered to and expressing fierce independence. As I type this I am reminded that this will be the case for the remainder of their childhood, including the teen years. At each stage we will be asking: Have we given them enough latitude or too much? There are implications on both sides of the coin.

I want to love my children in a way that models service and unselfishness. I don't want my children to grow up spoiled, entitled or helpless. Yet, I don't want to feel like I am shoving them out of the nest and harshly demanding that they "do it themselves" either.

We try to keep the kiddos sheltered from as much negativity and hurtfulness in the world as possible. The only television they watch is shows I have Tivo-ed for them. They have never seen the evening news. As a matter of fact, I am still reeling from the fact that they learned the word "stupid" from watching a video a few days ago. As I tried to explain that it was a hurtful, unnecessary word, I realized this is just the beginning of a long hard road of helping them filter through garbage in the world to get to the good.

And have I mentioned that we are very protective? I tease my husband that he is Heli-Daddy that hovers over the children like a copter. He follows them closely on the playground, inflatables, and during all physical activity. I am extremely thankful for his protection. We've miraculously escaped broken bones, chipped teeth and stitches to this point. Yet, when I watch what other children are capable of physically on the playground (especially those with older siblings) I cannot help but wonder if we are doing them a disservice in the long run.

Contrary to the picture my actions may be painting, I believe in living in the real world. I am generally not a fan of bubble living. I think it was Erin who reminded me in the comments of another post about the book Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh Deoss. "No one would ever think of taking a young tender plant and planting outside on a (snowy) day like today and having any hope of it surviving. That's what a greenhouse is for--to provide an optimum environment for plants to grow. Then, when the roots have developed and they are strong enough to withstand adversity they can be transplanted outdoors."

There are so many facets to this issue of protection: physical, spiritual, emotional. The question remains how much, how soon? What is a big deal and what is not? You cannot die on every hill. Which battles will I choose?

The answer is not clear or easy. The more I ponder, the more confused and overwhelmed I become. I am reminded of the importance of daily prayer and submission to God's voice. I do not have all the answers. Frankly, I think I have more questions than anything else.

One day, when my adult children read this and wonder why on Earth we made the decisions we did, I hope they know we took our role as their parents very seriously...we are just far from perfect and doing the best we know how.