Who knew we would come to the beach and spend so little time in the sand and salt water? We have been to 5 different playgrounds (and one of those twice), 2 beaches and 1 pool since Monday afternoon. The weather is fabulous, but the water is still chilly--a fact that does not matter since 2/3 of my trio have yet to set foot in the ocean!
At the beach this morning, K sat on the bottom step of the boardwalk to play in the sand...the farthest possible point away from the ocean because she was still fearful that the waves were going to "get her." R displayed only a tad more bravery, as he sat about 4 feet away. The two of them would not even venture down to the water with me to fill up their pails, preferring to use the showers at the boardwalk instead. (P is frighteningly fearless and was having a fantastic time chasing the waves and getting drenched.)
This afternoon we enjoyed a heated neighborhood baby pool, as all 3 are not yet fans of "the big pool." I enrolled the children in intense swim lessons last Summer and they were a complete bust. Frankly, I feel as if we are starting this year behind where we were a year ago due to that bad experience.
I have 2 predominant fears about the children's safety--being hit by a car and drowning. I am afraid some of my terror regarding the water has adversely affected the children. I am beginning to see evidence in their lives that my attempts at teaching them caution can quickly backfire. For example, K gets hysterical around bumblebees lately. She has never been stung, but has listened to such serious warnings from me that she is petrified.
So, what is the balance? Is it possible to teach children (especially at this age) appropriate fear?
9 comments:
No. As you know, I hate the river...too deep, too dirty, if you fall in no one can see you. The ocean makes a lot of noise. Bees, being stung at a young age, because of my older siblings, I hate bees also. These are things that translate if not in words but in body language, etc. The geese thing however, is up to you. Love you, hope you all are having a blast.
Love
Mom
Hey Jenmom,
I am jealous I adore the ocean and go as often as I can. I was the same way about my kids and water. I did the same thing. I put them both in swimming lessons at 2 and everyone told me that was way to early. My kids at that point was terrified. I followed through however because if I would have stopped they would have never went in the water. Sure enough at the end of thier 3rd year because I perservered and at times had to walk away at their screaming we hung in there and they did get used to it. My daughter to this day does NOT like water she is 21 and is never comfortable in the water ever. My son is 16 and he is a terrific avid swimmer.
I will say what we instill in our children will affect them. If I knew then what I do now I certainly would do differently.
It is a hard balance because while we want our children to have healthy truths, too much at times may indeed backfire. LOL your precious Kate sounds so much like my precious Ashley. Just be patient and let them see more by example than maybe too many words at this age.
They will be fine, I do recomend putting them back in swimming. Man it is hard with ONE let alone 3!!!!
Turn that fear of yours over to God and if you give it to him it will lesson your fears. I have learned from experience, trust me.
Have a great time at the ocean!!
Any chance you could do a parent tot class with some helping hands? They might respond better if you were in the water with them, and then after that session, once they are used to the water, enroll them in a regular class.
As it turns out, Claire was terrified of the water, swimming lessons were bust, she would humour me about two feet away from the edge when I was with her and then she would freak. It wasn't unitl last summer in the neighbors pool that she let go of her fear enough to be willing to paddle around in a life jacket. This year we put her in swimming lessons and she is doing great. She is now 6 1/2. Eventually it will come...
It is possible. And I think you're doing it! They'll learn which fears are "theirs" and which fears are learned. Right now they're learning boundaries and their personal comfort zone. I think Parker is a testament to that! He's loving the water!
Truth be told, I am afraid of a lot of things. I am a worrier by nature and I seek out things to worry about...and Jack is as fearless as they come. Pretty much the only thing he is afraid of is a stick horse that he's had since he was 1.
And I'm jealous too! I miss the beach so much! Have fun!
Interesting...I hadn't thought about this yet. Da Hubby's fear of fast-moving water was passed down from the constant, insistent, repeatitive warnings from FIL. I've warned him to not pass it along to Flicka and Pojke. But, I hadn't thought about how often I've been talking about safety lately and being safe and that it would instill an overexaggerate sense of fear in that object/topic. Hmmm...
This is a tough area for me. I struggle with knowing what to teach my kids about fear, because the older I get, the more I discover that as a believer in Christ, I am not to live in fear.
In fact, I am commanded to not fear anything or anyone, other than God Himself.
"The fear of the Lord is pure". Ps 19:8
Now, truth-be-told, there is much I still fear (the dark, my children begin abducted,etc); but I am slowly (slowly!)learning to trust God in these areas and to stop living in fear. Fear = lack of trust?
"He delivered me from all my fears." Ps 34:4
I used to think that this whole issue was just about semantics, but not anymore. I see how I have passed on some of my fears to my kids, and some of their fears they just simply were born with.
I don't really know how this plays out in teaching my kids important stuff, like not talking to strangers, not running with a sucker in their mouths, etc.
Perhaps the key is in teaching them to live wisely? Not sure
I hope this hasn't sounded harsh, or argumentative or proud, Jenmom. I am trying to seek God's truth in this area. I look forward to reading other's thoughts.
Thanks again for all your writing. You inspire me!
Chris from Canada
Chris- No need to apologize at all. I am loving this great conversation and feedback. I learn so much from other people's journeys.
This morning, I took them back to the beach and we tried again. Still no waves for K & R...but they did at least play a little closer to the water. Baby steps!
Hey Jen, Macey is still a little whiney about water... the swimming instructors told me that the more they are around it the easier it is for them to learn- it takes practice. I do think however, that some children are just born water lovers... Marian and Parker evidentally. I really have to watch her- she loves to dunk herself under and come up gasping.
My fear is one of my children being abducted. And of course I have a appropriate healthy fear of everything else dangerous... but I have learned to be truthful without being graphic. Just two days ago Macey walked ahead of us at Disney World because she misunderstood what Sam said. My worst nightmare when we couldn't find her... but I put a lid on it quickly when I saw that me being upset was affecting her. Then we went over what to do if it happened again and everyone felt better with a plan of action in case of emergency. Of course, a 7 year old is miles away from 3 year olds! Everybody has their own fears to work through... don't put the blame all on yourself! :)
Hi. I have been a swimmer since I can remember and swam on my college swim team. I've also taught swimming lessons to children of all ages for over 20 years. My opinion is no, you cannot teach "healthy fear" to really young children as they don't yet have the ability to rationalize that way. When I would teach 2 and 3 year olds often our only goal over the 4 or 6 weeks was to get them IN the water...nothing more. Anything above and beyond that was a bonus. The next step is to get them used to water on their face, and then on their heads, then putting mouth in the water to blow bubbles, etc. I never let parents be within sight when I taught because it increased the child's fear and insecurity at the young age. You can also see from your own children that you can do the same with all three and they are vastly different in their reaction to water (or anything else, for that matter). You do have the advantage of having K&R observe Parker in the water. Peer pressure is hard to resist! Last summer my son was 6 months and I had him in the water as soon as the pool opened, splashing and getting his face wet. I also began dumping water over his head when I wash his hair in the tub so he knows what that's like. All of that said, maybe none of this is helpful but trust me....I rarely taught a 2, 3 or even 4 year old to do much of anything in a pool.
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