As I was laying in my bed half-asleep listening to the monitor, dreading the long walk down the hallway and up the stairs I started laughing and said, "Honey? Did he just say MUD?" Then, I remembered the artwork he brought home from Mother's Morning Out yesterday...
They are studying "the farm" so the class painted pink pigs with brown paint like they had been rolling in the mud. Is this scary? Daddy's new theory is that he is dreaming...not necessarily nightmares, just dreams, and that since he doesn't understand what dreams are, he is freaking out. How do you explain dreams to a 2.5 year old?
I am really trying to be patient and understanding...but I have this fear that I am being manipulated. P is smart. He has always been our terrible sleeper. He wakes up in the night 4-5 nights out of 7...demanding someone come to his room. I do go up and check on him, but he no longer comes back to our bed with me. I really try not to get him out of the crib because invariably K and/or R pop their little heads up and cry because they want Mommy to rock them too. Several months ago I tried Cry It Out and he outlasted me every time (over an hour!)
If these are legitimate episodes I want to handle him with the loving comfort he expects from his Mommy...but how do I know when he is just 'playing' me?
*I just re-read this and feel like a mean Mommy suspecting my baby of manipulating me, but the context is that lately he has started "fake crying" when he wants something and saying, "Mommy. Help me. I cry!"
Any suggestions?
12 comments:
Please don't feel like a mean mommy. I think kids that age are capable of "manipulation", though not the spiteful type that adults perform. Of course, you know that too. I don't have a solution for you, just that word of encouragement.
I know how difficult letting them "cry it out" is. I never won at that game either.
You are a good mom. You are a good mom. You are a good mom.....
Jennifer,
Anna Miles has been waking up 4-5 nights out of the week and will not go back to sleep unless I bring her in bed with us (which makes for an uncomfortable night). I've tried to let her cry it out and she does not give up (hours). She's a strong willed little girl I tell you. At least when I bring her in bed with me, she gets some good sleep and Davis does too. SURELY this is a terrible habit to create, but I don't know what else to do.
When you figure out how to best handle the Parker situation, please feel free to advise me on how to deal with Anna Miles. I welcome ANY advice.
We just have to remember how very blessed we are and that one day they will sleep soundly on a regular basis!
...Marianna
Hang in there. One of the hardest things to deal with as a parent is the lack of sleep. The Cry it out method is really hard. I am not sure what to tell you as I have sleep issues with one of mine and most of the time she is still ending up in our bed as we are just to tired to deal with it. The dream thing is weird to me. It is funny to me that he freaks out about it but I agree...how do you explain dreams to a 2 1/2 year old. Hang in there and know you are not alone. Nicole
I don't blame him for wanting his dreams to go away. I hate dreaming too! I think it's sweet that he wants you to make those dreams go aways... you fix everything else!
I know that's not helpful at all, and I'm sure you are extremely tired. Poor guy...he just wants his restful sleep back. =(
Ok...I've been through this, and happy to say we're on 'the other side' of it now.
My daughter had 'night terrors' for about a year and a half. She would wake up absolutely screaming, and it could be about anything. It was sometimes terrifying to wake up to. I found that if I invested about 5-10 minutes of time initially it saved having to go back 4-5 times to maybe only once more. Of course every child is different. And 10 minutes at 3 in the morning feels like an eternity!
I explained to my daughter that dreams/nightmares were like movies your mind played for you, and sometimes they could be very scary, and sometimes very fun. This seemed to comfort her.
Lastly, we prayed before bed for restful sleep, and I really tried to convey that God was there to protect her through it all. I don't know if at 2.5 she understood that or not, but it's a message she still carries with her today.
As far as manipulation goes, toddlers know how to milk it, don't they? No one wants to be manipulated. Occassionally my children would actually threaten to cry if they didn't get what they wanted-and that didn't go over very well. I would respond my letting them know I did feel for them, and they could feel sad, sad enough to cry, but the answer was still no. I gave them a hug, and carried on my business, and that cut down the drama considerably.
It's hard work, and that you're making thoughtful choices just shows what a wonderful mother you are! I think your children are just so fortunate.
(And I actually have a lot more experience with the nightmares, please e-mail if you'd like more of our experiences- cmos39828@aol.com )
Tami
Hey Jenmom, I like to say I am a seasoned mom but even though my children are teen and adult now I do know how I came though it. Firstly 2 year olds do highly manipulate, it is how they get what they want. Just the fact that it is so frequent with Parker is because you do continue to go to him everytime.
When I went through this with my son, I caught on and we talked about it during the day especially if he understands pretty much. I would tell Caleb before going to bed and he was 3 years old that I would come 1 time and check on him but that was it and he at times would fuss and fall back to sleep and I did not have two other children in the room.
I also started a chart and he would get a sticker upon waking up in the morning if he woke up and went back to sleep without making a fuss. That really worked. I also made a big point during the day telling my son that he was safe always at night.
It is hard to let then fuss it out but he will continue doing this if you go everytime because it really does sound like it has become a habit and pattern.
I always thought it was a no no for parents to put kiddos in bed with them, and I never ever did that. I think he has you mommy!!
Such a tough boat, especially when they know how to rock it. When I'm not sure if my children are capable of or intentionally manipulating the situation, I try to think of all the other wonderfully smart things I DO give them credit for. Most of the time when I can think of the specific precious/smart/intelligent/
"amazing" things that I rush to write down in the scrapbook, I come to the conclusion that "Yes, they're smart enough to create/manipulate this situation, too."
The other tough part about sleeping is he's probably falling into a habit of waking up, regardless of what he's talking to you about. I do that----wake up several nights in a row around the same time in the middle of the night. Finally I HAVE to break it by turning the clock around or forcing myself not to look. I feel for him, but he's got to develop sleep patterns that are conducive to the family's rest. We used quarters, YES QUARTERS, when our boys were just over two. They got one for going to bed without getting up/calling out, and one for sleeping through the night. After they earned some (I think it was 8 or 10), they were allowed to take 4 out and we went to the dollar store to choose a toy. Downside-dollar store toys x 3, upside-the "earned" something. Totally broke us from the up and down nights. Scripture also helped a tremendous amount for us. We taught them to claim God's promise of "Do not be afraid, for I am with you always." It was precious to hear one of them saying it over the monitor sometimes. Now my boys sleep with swords at night, and I truly think that helps them feel "brave." (Might sound weird, but even when Elizabeth is scared, she'll ask for her sword.:-) )
My heart breaks for you b/c I'm now on the other side, but I sooooooooooooo remember those long nights and DAYS. This too shall pass. My prayers are with you girl!
Amy Snow
If you can get your hands on one of Dr Sears or Dy Jay Gordon's books in regard to toddlers and sleep habits, do so. I bet you will feel relief and recharged with ideas/concepts to help both Parker and you.
Blessings.
You are probably on the right track just knowing how start he is....they know exactly which buttons to push.
Not quite sure what to say. My kids often ended up in our bed...Sam still does on ocassion. He just trucks down the hall himself and climbs in going right back to sleep. Perhaps not picking him up but rubbing his back would be a good idea. If he is in fact terrified I can't see how you at least going to him is a problem. Other than your interrupted sleep of course.
You are an amazing mom and I'm sure you will figure out what works best for all of you.
Thanks for all the great feedback. I was thinking about all your encouragement as I was listening to WAILING at 11:30pm. We practiced the fear verse over and over while eating dinner. I taught Kate & Ryland to tell him the verse if he woke up crying...
Alas, at 11:30 no one seemed to remember the verse...nor did they at 1 or 3...but the episodes were much shorter and less intense as the night went on.
I did only go to him once--and I feel certain now that he is doing what he needs to do to get me to his room.
So, today I am off to prepare a reward chart of some sort.
Thanks again for the great support!
Not sure how to explain dreams except maybe telling him it's like Jesus telling him a story while he's asleep??
Hope it gets better soon. I know how tiring it can be to get up in the night!
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