Wednesday, March 20, 2019

What's Next, Papa?

This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?”  Romans 8:15 (MSG)

I am riding an exhilarating parenting roller coaster in this season, but especially today. I had court first thing this morning to determine the next steps for the precious four-year-old foster child we've been parenting for the last nine months. 


People who have never been through the foster care process often ask me what the significance of a court date means and frankly, they are simply mile markers. Every few months we check in with the legal system to make sure everyone's rights are being observed and to monitor progress on the case and if any changes to case plans are in order. At these hearings, the judge sets a course and tells the caseworkers what (if any) leeway they have in charting next steps in visitations, etc. based on the progress of the parents in their case plan.


The stress of that is hard to explain. It is the periodic reminder that this child I've loved as one of my own's case/ future is not even remotely in my control. I sit in a room full of adults making serious decisions about her future while she’s blissfully unaware at preschool. Surreal. Humbling. Forces me to trust.


I am walking out onto the high dive, surveying the height, calculating the risk...I hear the Spirit whisper, "Do you still trust me?"


A lot happens in a short period of time in court (today, under 20 minutes) and it takes a few follow up conversations to process implications on every one's lives and schedules. 


After court today I had a two hour window before I had to attend our first official high school meeting for my trio. Talk about emotional whiplash! 


As the faculty members discussed rigorous course loads and future goals, the reality set in of all the growth, path charting and decisions coming our way. I am thrilled to see my tribe grow and change, but their exposure to the great big world increases every day. Again, I hear the Spirit whisper, "Do you still trust me?"


In the course of my running around today, my random playlist landed on Turn Your Eyes by Vicky Beeching. I listened to those lyrics on repeat.  


“Look full in His Wonderful Face and the things of Earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His Glory and Grace.” 


I am so grateful to love this Jesus, who meets me in the mundane and overwhelming me with care and concern for my little heart. 

In response to that love, I respond. Yes, I choose to trust. I choose to be lost in the beauty and sovereignty of the Lord instead of my limited perspective and fears. 

I choose to respond with childlike expectancy, "What's next, Papa?"

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