The Present

When I stay away from writing more than a week or so, it can be difficult to come back. Like catching up with an old friend you've been absent from too long, it is hard to know where to begin. I want to just dive in--to tell the truth-- but these days MY story is inexorably tied to the story of lots of other (mostly little) people. I must respect that my story is also their story, even as I long to express all that is going on in my own heart.

Just typing that paragraph makes me tired. It's complicated. So, I am unusually quiet. 

This week marks 10 months since our oldest foster daughter, Bug, joined our family. It has been 3 months since her youngest sister, Gigi, moved in and  7 weeks since the middle sister, LuLu, moved out. This week I had the opportunity to see my blondie for the first time since her departure.

It was just five minutes, but my arms can still feel the tender hug 48 hours later. My ears are still ringing with the sound of her shout, "Jennnn-niiiiii-ferrrrrrrrr" and the sight of her swinging arms and ponytail as she ran open armed to me. I will always love that little girl.

It sounds heartless, but I had not yet shed a tear over her departure in late January. There honestly hasn't been time to process. As I drove away from our reunion my heart felt the sharp ache of her absence and the impact she has made on my life.

A friend recently observed that it will likely take months or years to truly absorb all that has transpired in this season and how it has impacted our family. I think she's right.

There's just no time for analysis right now. I am in the midst of life, therapy appointments, baseball season, musical rehearsals, soccer, bio family visits, overseeing school assignments, teacher conferences, tax preparation, homemaking, trying to be a partner to my husband and SO MUCH laundry!

And tonight, I am at peace with this. 

There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot, 

a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build, 

a time to weep and a time to laugh, 

a time to mourn and a time to dance, 

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak...

Ephesians 3: 1:7 NIV

There will come a time when I can marinate in all that has occurred.
But that is not today.

Now is the time to be present--in all the challenges of the emotional roller coaster, the mounds of clothing, the many souls in my home that need broken little me to look in their eyes and love their hearts.

And God willing, I will deal with all the rest tomorrow.