Monday, November 17, 2014

Absent to be Present

My nightly routine for many years was to write once the children were tucked into their beds. In those days bedtime was like a marathon finish line I couldn't wait to cross.

These days my 'big kids' stay up a little later and I lay with them to talk, laugh and just enjoy the silence. I really like these people and the quiet, one-on-one time the nights allow. It often ends this way.
How is this man-child one of my boys?

So this little blog is a bit neglected, but the hearts of those closest to me are not.

I have been absent here to be fully present in my home, and it is well with my soul.

Because I don't want my children to have beautifully bound volumes of the lessons I learned in parenting that required me to miss the days when they just wanted to be together.

I don't want them to one day speak of how I took the role of motherhood seriously... reading, writing, pondering, praying. I want them to know it was THEM I valued.

As a mama of 10 (and a half!) year olds, this often means watching shows I don't particularly care about in order to hold hands with one I do, playing all sorts of games, hearing a lot of long stories or corny jokes I don't always find funny and evenings of just laying close because I know these days are fleeting.

I do a lot of 'coaching' and correcting during the day...carping about wet towels, unbrushed hair, table manners, eye contact with adults, misplaced belongings, homework. I am not particularly smoothe at this motherhood gig, but after 8pm it is all about the snuggles and heart reconnection. The shine of the day has worn off. They are still and lovey. They invite me to connect. I'm in!

I have to remind myself that this time is not unproductive. I am making relationship investments in their hearts and mine. It is about presence not perfection.

So please pardon my absence. This is the season I am in-- and it is good.

5 comments:

Susan Hayes said...

Amen!

Miss Bennet said...

You are one of my mom heroes. Not actually because of this post, specifically, though presence is so very important.

It is that in nearly every post you write, you say that this season you are in is your favorite, or that you love it, or something of that nature.

The world needs more of this. More using rose-colored glasses on this second, and less on yesterday and tomorrow.

Would that I love five as much as I love four. And would that I would be ready to love thirteen when it gets here, but not wait for it unduly. Amen.

Tonya said...

Thank you for this reminder. I needed it!

Diane Tohline said...

AMEN - You are truly choosing the finer things- and the dividends it will pay later are absolutely untold at this time....but they will be huge!

I have loved watching your family grow up. And I am rejoicing in your perspective for this season- you are so right!

When we were raising our children - distractions were present to (distractions of a different nature) - and I have NEVER regretted making the choice of sowing into my family above other pulls.

Blessings

Samantha said...

Love it! You will never be sorry for making the most of every minute, especially those spent cuddling. They grow up so quickly!