Thursday, March 14, 2013

Faith When You Don't Get It

"Why are you being so MEAN?"
His words came flying at me from the back seat through hot, angry 8 year old boy tears.

R had made a legitimate, uncomplicated request. It was well within my power to grant his wish. But in the grand scheme of things, I needed to say no. He didn't like my decision one bit.

Even if I had attempted to explain myself, he wouldn't have understood. My perspective is different than his. I adore my children. I want what is best for them in the long run--and sometimes that causes them to get angry and think I am really mean.

Sometimes I feel this way about God.
I thought you were GOOD?
I thought you LOVED us?
This doesn't make any sense.

In the same way my son is limited to his 8 year old, self centered perspective of what he wants and needs, I am limited to my own measly perspective and 38 years of life experience. If it doesn't seem reasonable to me, I pridefully assume it must not make sense at all. Because, you know, God and I see things the same way.

He is God and I am not.
He sees through an eternal perspective and I am stuck right here in today and my fear of the implications for tomorrow.
It requires faith to follow Him when the path takes a difficult turn and we, frankly, disagree with his choices.

Last night it was a late night phone call bearing shocking, tragic news of the sudden death of a friend. She LOVED the Lord. She was FAITHFUL to follow Him--even when it meant adopting special needs children and moving her very large family to the foreign mission field. She leaves behind a husband and seven children.

I don't understand God's will in this situation. It seems like there could of been a different outcome--a better way. My brain cannot sort through all the short term loose ends to see how on Earth God will get glory in the end.

As I tried to chew through it this morning Hebrews 10:23 came to mind: "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful."

This is where the rubber meets the road. Do we really trust? Do we really believe? Do we have faith that he can/will redeem even this?

My beautiful friend laid the groundwork in her last blog post 3/5. She had no idea what her future held, but with other members of her family ill (with what would ultimately take her life) she trusted and believed the One who did. I have re-read her closing prayer at least a dozen times today. These are her own words one week before she fell ill.

"Psalm 37:8 .. Refrain from ANGER and TURN FROM wrath; do not FRET - IT LEADS ONLY TO EVIL. Do NOT be angry with me child... you are sitting in sin ... your temper is overshadowing your days sweet girl.
My Dearest Melinda,
I, your God have bought you and paid the highest price for your heart child. At the roll of a dice and the sneering of a crowd, I turned my back on my son... in the darkness of a storm a CURTAIN was torn FOREVER ... a new day dawned ... salvation for the sinner was awakened and IN YOUR HEART I have called  you out to be mine! Do not loose a moment of sleep on your OWN behalf... I WILL battle this war around you... you are mine... no worker of the enemy ...not even a mosquito may have your life without my word....NOR the life of your HUSBAND NOR your CHILD... do NOT forget they are MINE FIRST child. I love them MORE THAN YOU Melinda...believe it or not .
I am passionate for you child.... I am committed to you child... you are MINE and I am YOURS ... I desire great amounts of JOY to come from these days together... will you meet me Melinda?... will you LOVE me with ALL of your HEART ? with ALL of you SOUL ? with ALL of your mind?
Talk to me.... I'm listening...
Your Father in Earth and Heaven ,
Abba God~
And so,  a new day has come... yes.. Abba God... I AM listening. I am being STILL... and with tears the size of creation I HEAR YOU !"

And now she is in his Presence and so many people are left behind picking up pieces of the hearts she touched.

Will you please pray for the Evans family? The next step is to get them home from the Dominican. Pray for the hearts of her 7 children--including their newest child from China who is also sick with what appears to be Dengue Fever.

Pray as the Lord leads you that we all may have the faith Melinda had--that God isn't 'mean.' He LOVES her family more than she did. This world is not our home. Life can be so hard. May we hold UNSWERVINGLY to the hope we profess...


Sisters said...

Wow! I went to her blog and read the posts there . What a beautiful heart. I'll pray for her family and also of her family of friends

Melanie said...

Ouch. How can we help? Of course, prayers...but how else?

Keri said...

As a person who struggles (daily) with fear of sudden, too-young death of myself or of a loved one, stories like this are especially hard to read. Yet I KNOW you are right -- He is not mean. He is faithful. He will work this for good and for His glory.

I will be praying for this family.