Thursday, February 28, 2013

To Wallow or to Walk?

Excuse my absence, but my house has been under the fog of the stuffy head, fever, coughing Winter funk for a week. In the midst of sick children and my own head and body aches, I just can't seem to get my thoughts to wade through the fog into anything coherent.

Wednesday was the day I felt the worst. After getting 10 hours of sleep, I got up long enough to get our children to school, then came home and climbed back into bed for a 3 hour nap. I NEVER do that...but it seemed to be just what my body needed. After a hot shower I felt like a new woman.

Yesterday I felt called to rest, but today was a little different. I had a full schedule of appointments. My heart really wanted to make them all, so I pushed through the blah--and although I was exhausted afterward I was so glad I did. There were truly treasures in every encounter--despite discussion of some very heavy topics.

 After hearing myself say one too many times in response to a painful trial, "It is just all broken" I came home and read Ecclesiastes--not exactly uplifting, by the way. As I read King Solomon's lamentations that "it is all meaningless" I asked God to show me that it was not. I confessed to Him that I didn't even need Him to explain His motives or reasons--just to remind me that there was in fact a larger plan.

Within two hours I received two separate emails from friends outlining amazing stories of God's provision and providence despite the odds. As I read through details that defied any other explanation but His Sovereignty, I realized that this snotty funk is a metaphor from the junk life brings our way.

I don't 'feel' well. I have junk in my head and chest. My natural inclination through it all is to be crabby or a sloth. I want to lay on the sofa wrapped in a blanket and escape into mindless tv. But feelings cannot always be trusted.

While some rest was certainly appropriate during the worst of it--I had a choice today to decide that there were relationships that were important enough to inspire me to suck it up and push through. My husband tells post-operative patients constantly to get up and get moving, even though they don't feel like it. They are tired and sore. They have wounds. Yet, most of them admit that 'feeling better' happened after a decision.

There are many areas in my heart & thought life where I can be lured to the sidelines by the funk that wants to settle in. Likewise, there are circumstances that make me want to wallow, but God doesn't seem to bless that type of behavior in Scripture. Instead, He beckons us to live not by feelings, but by His Spirit and to "keep in step with the Spirit."

Tonight I am praying that a little more quiet sofa time will help me shake off the funk--literally & figuratively.

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