Friday, October 12, 2012

Run

Twelve hours from now I plan to be in the second mile of my first 5k in 14 years (and only the third one of my life!) I still can't believe I signed up. I am not a runner. I don't enjoy it. So, what on Earth am I doing this for?

A couple of months ago it occurred to me that I am becoming a Mom that encourages her children to be courageous and try new things--while settling into my own comfortable routine.  My babies are participating in youth triathlons for crying out loud and I couldn't run a mile without quitting. I stand on the sidelines of my children's lives urging them to work hard and not give up--but I am a bit of a hypocrite.

I started thinking about how I am able to plan and arrange my life as a stay-at-home Mom with kids in full time school. Of course there are plenty of things that 'happen' in life that are challenging and require commitment and endurance--but I was only encountering those things in a reactionary way. My life has been devoid of challenges that I choose. I am not quite 38--I don't want to be relegated to the 'has been' sidelines yet!

I want to raise children who are brave and open to experiencing much of what this great big world has to offer. I hope they set goals and develop endurance and passion to follow through with them. Yet, nothing in my life was really modeling that for them.

So, I decided to take on something hard. God gifted me with a restored body. There is no medical reason why my heart can't do this distance. It simply required me getting off my fanny and doing it.

I know to seasoned runners it seems silly. It's just three miles--but since my heart scare I have avoided heavy cardio. (First because I had to, then just because...) It has been hard for me. I have cried. I have not been as committed to training (C25k) as I should have been. This has become a head game for me. I am intimidated. I have been quite tempted to just give up. Frankly, I haven't even written, tweeted or posted on facebook about it because I didn't want the accountability to stick with it.

In this process I also realized something I don't really like about myself. I realized I would rather quit or not try at all than try and fail. Yuck!! That's definitely not a trait I want to pass on or allow to continue in my life.

Tomorrow is the day. I had pasta for dinner. I made a special playlist (Joan Jett, Glee, Beyonce, Queen...it's all over the place!) I have my Motrin ready. My sweet children will be on the sidelines mostly oblivious to how hard this really is going to be for their old Mama, but it is OK. At this point it's between me & my God anyway.

I haven't run farther than 2.6 miles in my few weeks of training. I may have to walk a portion. But I will lace up my shoes, line up with those who are faster, stronger and more prepared and run.

I am not running to win, place, or prove anything to anyone other than myself. I am running as an act of gratitude for a healthy heart/body and as an exercise in setting a goal and following through--even when it hurts and it is hard.

6 comments:

Sisters said...

I am so proud of you! Way to go. Your kids are going to be so proud of you. I can't wait for you to tell us how they cheered for you on the sidelines.

dee said...

I read this recently from Jen Hatmaker:


"We want our kids to have a safe, happy life. When has that ever been the mark of a disciple? If we believe Romans 8:29 and want them to be conformed to the image of Christ, then sacrifice, loss, and struggle will be involved. Our job is not to shield them from everything hard. 
THE GOAL SHOULD BE TO RAISE BRAVE KIDS. I don't want to be the reason my kids choose safety and comfort over courage. Scared moms raise scared kids. Brave moms raise brave kids."

Love that. Enjoy the day!

Love Being A Nonny said...

As you are lacing up your shoes this morning, I am praying you to the finish line. I am not a runner either and a few years ago I did three 5ks.....When the race started, about two minutes into it, I thought there was no way I would ever finish. But as I got a little further I began to believe I could. I did. Believe in YOU. Can't wait to hear about the FINISH!

summerskies said...

I love the reason behind why you're running the 5k tomorrow! You can do this!! Between you and God, there's nothing you can't cojavascript:void(0)nquer :)

Sara said...

Awesome! Hope it's a great race and day for ya'll!

Kristin F. said...

This was me in February!! I hated to tell anyone I was running a 5k just in case I bailed or failed. Today, I ran 7 miles for the first time and as hard as it was, I was SO proud. I'm planning to run a 1/2 marathon in February - one year after my first mile :).

Congrats! You'll do great.