This morning when my mind wandered during church I found myself thinking about all the 'wrong things' I was doing as a Mama. I was tired after a weekend where my husband has worked three consecutive 14-18 hour days. I adore my children, but this gig can be tough. I was a prime target for the Enemy to get into my head and start his jabbering.
For me it has sounded something like this in the last 24 hours:
You are a hypocrite. You write about how much you love your children, but that tone you just used...it certainly wasn't very loving.
And your heart attitude? Well, what would people think if they could see how that looks sometimes? You should be ashamed of yourself. Why aren't you playing with them more, reading to them more? You should at least be more patient!
You can't do this, you know. I know you are trying. But that's the problem, you are trying and yet you are still missing it on so many fronts. Did you hear how your child talked back to you this morning? He is totally going to rebel.
And, by the way, why are you having such a pity party? Your husband is the one handing out difficult diagnoses, under unbelievable stress and working so hard. You have it made in comparison.
And on and on it goes in my heart & mind if I let it.
I want to please God. I want to do well with what He has entrusted me. I get how important of a job it is to be a wife to a busy man and Mommy to three little souls. But I am just one girl in this big world...and I get tired.
And what I ADORE about my Savior is that He knows that. So, when I showed up to church as a single Mama this morning He met me there. He spoke to my heart. He reminded me that those were LIES from the Enemy that I was allowing to take root in my heart.
I am fallible. I am weak. I am selfish and impatient sometimes...but I am a child of God. He lives in me. I have the gift of His Holy Spirit and when I call for Him and ask Him to help me raise these little souls for Him---He will not turn away. He WILL listen and respond.
'You're my servant, serving on my side.
I've picked you. I haven't dropped you.'
Don't panic. I'm with you.
There's no need to fear for I'm your God.
I'll give you strength. I'll help you.
I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.
Isaiah 41: 9b-10 The Message
I love that God doesn't promise our perfection when following Him--only His presence. And when I mess up, it is to His Glory. He can and will use it to teach them that ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
He loves these children & He loves me (and you) as His child.
If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. James 1:5-6 The Message
If I could just learn to lean into HIM and trust HIM. Oh, the peace it would bring.