Tonight my husband and I decided to take on an attic purge/reorganization after the children went to bed. We were making great progress until I found a small black container labeled "Jen's journals." Holy cow!! What a treasure trove/walk down memory lane. My productiveness ceased and I have been completely engrossed in the journal I kept (quite sporadically) in college and my first year as a young professional.
It is AMAZING to re-read the cries of my heart (usually written at night and when I was lonely/longing). What an amazing reminder of God's provision to see how He honored the cries of a young woman's heart. My absolute favorite was an excerpt from my 1:15am entry September 23. 1994. (How can that possibly be 17 years ago?? AAHHH!)
To provide some context, I was apparently supposed to be studying for an exam in a class called Individual and Family Resource management and the primary topic was values and goals. So, I wrote my #1 value and 12 goals. It was amazing to see 17 years later, how many of those are still a very important part of my daily life. (11 out of 12 to be exact) I closed my entry with a random paragraph of prayer for my future husband (even though I was still 4 years away from meeting him). A precious reminder from my 20 year old self about the importance of intentionality...in our marriages, our parenting, our friendships, our lives in general.
To quote my favorite, Andy Stanley: "Direction, not intention, determines your destination." It is not enough to just hope something happens. We have to make decisions that support the outcome we hope for.
As I read through pages and pages of this journal I was reminded of lots of cringe-worthy moments (primarily involving misplaced affections and short-lived crushes.) As I sit in my warm home tonight, feeling so very loved and secure, it still pricked my heart to read of my loneliness and my fears about the future. It was so long ago and yet those feelings--they give me great compassion for others in that season. Oh, how I urge you to trust Him.
I finally closed the dusty old pages tonight with a big goofy grin on my face and praising God for the history that He & I have. It has been quite a journey so far, and He has never let me go.
1 comment:
Hey there! We went to college together and were in the
Same sorority! I believe i was a freshman when u were
A junior or senior! It is wonderful to read about your life journey on here and to also see how God is so totally in it :).crazy how I found your blog too!
Heather G. Nicklas
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