I have been thinking a lot about marriage lately. I think it is because in my late 30s, I am seeing marriages of people I care about dissolve. It is a depressing season. Up until this point, chapters of life have been largely based on growth and celebration...Late teens and early 20s were about college and career. My 20s saw lots of engagements and marriages. This season overlapped into the baby days and early parenthood. And now, it seems people are starting to split.
In light of all this, I have been pondering how to keep marriage sacred--and the word treasure keeps coming to mind. I want my husband to feel precious, desired, appreciated. I want him to WANT to come home because it is the safest, most secure and welcoming place he can think of being.
I am not June Cleaver. He rarely comes home to the aroma of cookies baking and my 6pm lipstick is almost never fresh. Every now and then he has to fend for himself and have cereal for dinner. But, I am striving to make him feel what my heart knows it its deepest places--My husband is a treasure.
As this word was ringing in my ears I thought of my children's 'special drawers.' Each of them has been allocated a place all their own to keep non-living things that they adore. A peek inside these drawers reveal cheap plastic trinkets, stale candy, broken little things and bits of paper.
Most of it is completely meaningless to the world (and to their Mom), but to my 1st graders, those possessions are precious. 
In light of all this, I have been pondering how to keep marriage sacred--and the word treasure keeps coming to mind. I want my husband to feel precious, desired, appreciated. I want him to WANT to come home because it is the safest, most secure and welcoming place he can think of being.
I am not June Cleaver. He rarely comes home to the aroma of cookies baking and my 6pm lipstick is almost never fresh. Every now and then he has to fend for himself and have cereal for dinner. But, I am striving to make him feel what my heart knows it its deepest places--My husband is a treasure.
As this word was ringing in my ears I thought of my children's 'special drawers.' Each of them has been allocated a place all their own to keep non-living things that they adore. A peek inside these drawers reveal cheap plastic trinkets, stale candy, broken little things and bits of paper.
Most of it is completely meaningless to the world (and to their Mom), but to my 1st graders, those possessions are precious. Treasure: (according to the American Heritage Dictionary)
Accumulated or stored wealth in the form of money, jewels, or other valuables.
Valuable or precious possessions of any kind.
One considered especially precious or valuable.tr.v., -ured, -ur·ing, -ures.
To keep or regard as precious; value highly. See synonyms at appreciate.
Accumulated or stored wealth in the form of money, jewels, or other valuables.
Valuable or precious possessions of any kind.
One considered especially precious or valuable.tr.v., -ured, -ur·ing, -ures.
To keep or regard as precious; value highly. See synonyms at appreciate.
Ahh, did you see that synonym...appreciate. Anything we appreciate is a treasure. It gets its value from the esteem or importance with which we treat it. This principle is true in life--and quite applicable in marriage. If we want to be rich all we must do is value what we have.
And even though it is not the reason I do it...the results are fantastic. When I cherish and treasure my spouse, I become a cherished treasure in return.
6 comments:
Again ... a timely blog in my life. THANK YOU!!
how do you align speaking different love languages? (i'm sure this isn't an issue in the Scott household but...just maybe if you've heard from others :)
my hubs & i vary greatly - I see a role of a wife as keeping a home, contributing to household income (i work a very strenuous job, and earn about 60% of our household income), i do the bulk of the child-herding and transporting, I cook (pretty good, actually) meals. I do clean but we've recently had a lady clean the house twice and I was high for days from the joy of having that burden lifted.
Meanwhile, my husband sees my role as more of "do whatever HE thinks is important and fun", which is that he would like me to wear racy clothes, impractical shoes, and parade around the house singing his praises all day long.
Sort of hard to align those two...any ideas??
Erin- First of all, my hat is off to you. It sounds like you are juggling a great deal of responsibility as a hard working woman.
I have a little experience with different love languages within marriage. I am a quality time girl married to a man who works ridiculous hours.
I am definitely not qualified to be handing out marital advice, but as I read your comment I was reminded of a great sermon series called iMarriage by Northpoint Ministries. In one of the sermons, Andy Stanley discusses the 'expectations' that we all walk into marriage with (and many/most are never realized or communicated ahead of time). It was an eye opening look at some of the hurdles married folks have to navigate. The bottom line is finding space for safe, honest communication. No one can do it all--priorities have to be established. An interesting exercise is to ask each other, what are the top 2-3 things you need/want from me as your spouse. If they are challenging, discuss why.
I feel very underqualified handing out marriage advice, but I do find that my husband & my marital conflicts are best resolved when we pause from our stressful worlds long enough to remember why we love each other--and that we are on the SAME TEAM. With that framework, most everything else can be discussed and worked out. All the best to you!
I just started reading your blog and am enjoying it. I love this...such a wonderful reminder of marriage and that it is indeed a treasure...Thank you...
Liked to hear the whole post, but the last two paragraphs is really what gave me a reminder again. That living with a spouse is not something happening automatically, and appreciation Is at the heart of it.
Love this!
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