I have a charming, quirky, creative and self confident son who is delightfully different from most of his peers. He is a constant source of giggles and grins. His take on the world is a refreshing blessing in my life. A conversation we had this morning was especially poignant (painful).
As I was getting ready for the day, my three were playing in my bathroom. Seemingly out of the blue my P spoke up.
"K, what is it like to be you?" he asked.
"I don't know," she shrugged.
"What is it like to be YOU," I countered to him.
"Weird," he replied.
"Why do you say that?" I asked, not yet overly concerned.
"Well, that's what ____ says at school. He says I am weird," he said.
"Really? Because I think you are awesome."
"So-and-so says I am weird too." His demeanor wasn't sad or upset, just matter-of-fact.
"I think you are really cool JUST the way God made you."
I hugged him and he smiled.
"Do you want to know a secret?" I asked.
He nodded yes excitedly.
"Mommy is weird," I whispered.
"You are?" His eyes lit up. "How are YOU weird?"
"Well, I write with my left hand, that's unusual. I also drink with two straws instead of one--which is a bit strange. And every night, I write about my life on the computer for a bunch of strangers to read before I can fall asleep. A lot of people would find that kind of weird."
He had a big smile on his face.
"This world would be a very boring place if we were all the same wouldn't it? I am so thankful God made you the way he did."
And I am.
I am also frustrated that humans have tongues that can already be hurtful in Kindergarten. I am reminded of some great advice from my friend Holly, a Mom of five. When her kids come home with hurt feelings over a comment someone has made the very first thing she does is ask them a question rooted in Philippians 4:8, "Is that true? If you know that it is not, why are you wasting time on energy thinking on that?"
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.
Advice I have learned to use frequently as a grown up too.
15 comments:
I was a weird child, too. I love the fact that you celebrated his "weirdness" instead of directing him to change or talking down about the other kid. Well done! Weirdness is so much more fun now that I'm an adult! I love reading about your kids and your parenting. I have a 14 month old and I pray that my encounters with him are as wonderful as the ones you write about.
I loved your response to him! This Nonny is weird too. I've blogged about it before...how *age appropriate* children are considered weird. UGH....Don't get me started.
Thank you.
I celebrated my own oddities as a child. I understood early on that I was different, and called myself strange, a freak, a geek, a dork, a nerd, crazy, etc. This wasn't always my classmates, either - I was incredibly popular for a elementary school kid - it was just my self-assessment.
My mother hated those words. I can't blame her necessarily, but by coming down on the words I was using rather than exploring what I meant by them, I thought she was coming down on me. I assumed that being a geek, freak, nerd, dork was BAD, and since I'd already self-identified, clearly the things that made me that way were bad.
Ironically, many of the things that made me a "freak" were traits I got from my mother. If she'd taken the time to be as conscientious as you, she'd have celebrated my freaky nature and perhaps explained that I pick a better word.
I love your response to him. I love the scripture you used. I will use that with my daughter. My daughter loves loves to read. She loves all books. That has been hard as a teenager. Most friends do not like to read. But she is ok with that way!
I don't know if I've ever commented before, but thank you - from a newly married woman, I think you should know that the lessons you are teaching your children are also being used to challenge this 29-year-old's heart. I needed this today, and I am so thankful that God gave you the gift of writing and unique perspective to share with the "strangers on the computer."
Older children and adults may use "weird" in a negative way. Having taught primary-aged children, I might be able to assure you that most times when someone is described as "weird" in this age group it is not necessarily meant as negative but rather different in a special way, and most often in a positive way. You are right to focus on the positive because that may have been what the other children were trying to convey - funny, quirky, amusing, with a special sense of humour.
Confession: I'm weird, too. :)
So glad P has you all for his family to love on him and lift him up! Words are spoken at all stages of life that are hurtful and I sometimes wish I could just mute out what people say to me. Thank for sharing and being "weird" by posting on the blog b/c many day I am the "weird" person who is so glad you did! Blessings from Texas!
I know I am "weird"...and others think and say I am too. I feel sad for P because I know how that feels. Even as an adult I sometimes get the label "weird", "quirky", "unusual" or "eccentric". This blog made me think...I am glad that I am told I am those things. If I stop and think about it..it is kind of a compliment... being that if I were "normal" that would mean I gave up chunks of me in order to "fit in". It makes life tough sometimes...like when you get the feeling of rejection from people you care about. What I should say to myself when I feel "rejection" is "Is that what Jesus would say about me...about who I am?". Afterall, His opinion of me is really the only opinion that matters! Even us "weird" folks will find our "real friends" who love us and the way God made us no matter what! Thanks J for being one of those special people to me!
J- Please let P know that Aunt Boo is weird too. People at work and at home tell me that I am weird all the time and the funny thing is...I know and it doesn't bother me. Like you said, oh what a boring place this world would be without me and the other "weirdo's" out there.
Also, Nonny, I have 13 year old daughter who adores her momma and still thinks boys are gross. She is acting her age and her friends at school think she is weird. If that is weird, I don't want her to be "normal". That word "normal" makes me laugh. What does that mean????
Your response was perfect! Everyone is weird, I think. :)
Taylor
(www.thelumberjackswife.com)
Great parenting comes from having a giant heart...good job!!!!
This is a constant conversation in our household--the good in being wierd! I love dancing or singing being silly w/ the kids, and tell them how much I love being their weird parent!
Thanks for sharing the scripture too! I'll definatley use that one for hurt feelings!
I have a 6-yr-old who is definitely different and apparently just like her dad was at that age. We encourage those differences because she is such a special child because of them. And yes, we even call some of the quirks weird. But we also talk about how each of us is "weird" in some way or another. Around our house, weird is a wonderful word that describes things that make us our own unique person. Kudos to you for showing him just how "weird" you are too!
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