I saw a counselor in my mid-20s who pointed out something uncomfortably true about me. He asked if I ever went to my friends with a problem or a hurt that I didn't already have a solution worked out for. I thought about it and realized that generally I did not. I am not really a wallow-er and I definitely don't like to be a Debbie Downer, so when I share hard things I like to end on an up note.
The counselor, Tim, suggested that it was also likely a control issue for me--a desire to not appear needy. He went on to point out that needing other people did not automatically classify a person as needy. Tim explained the spectrum between independent and codependent--and that the vast space between the two was the richness of community and the body of Christ.
Twelve years later, I still value the insight Tim offered. I have learned a lot about how to be in community. While I do still like to end any discussion of a struggle on a high/hopeful note, I am cognizant of my motives.
With all that being said, I have to tell you how freeing it was to share this housewife/homemaker struggle. I had been wrestling with it internally for a few weeks. It was boiling beneath the surface and I was praying a little, but not a lot and not discussing it at all. Yesterday I came clean to my husband before writing the post. Having it out in the open lifted a huge burden. In addition to the comments from many of you, I have also had conversations today with a couple of different good friends that comforted me in the fact that these feelings are fairly normal. Doesn't it feel good to feel normal??
Additionally, God was gracious to give me FIVE opportunities today to 'be available' for people who really needed me. Each time I grinned, thankful for the perspective that finally 'letting this all out' had brought.
I felt compelled to write this tonight as encouragement to any one who may be internally wrestling right now. Find someone you trust to talk about it. Make sure you are praying more than you are worrying. Share your burdens. You'll be amazed at what a difference it makes.
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 (NIV)
God gave us each other--family, community, friendship, marriage--it was all His idea. What a precious gift.