I saw a counselor in my mid-20s who pointed out something uncomfortably true about me. He asked if I ever went to my friends with a problem or a hurt that I didn't already have a solution worked out for. I thought about it and realized that generally I did not. I am not really a wallow-er and I definitely don't like to be a Debbie Downer, so when I share hard things I like to end on an up note.
The counselor, Tim, suggested that it was also likely a control issue for me--a desire to not appear needy. He went on to point out that needing other people did not automatically classify a person as needy. Tim explained the spectrum between independent and codependent--and that the vast space between the two was the richness of community and the body of Christ.
Twelve years later, I still value the insight Tim offered. I have learned a lot about how to be in community. While I do still like to end any discussion of a struggle on a high/hopeful note, I am cognizant of my motives.
With all that being said, I have to tell you how freeing it was to share this housewife/homemaker struggle. I had been wrestling with it internally for a few weeks. It was boiling beneath the surface and I was praying a little, but not a lot and not discussing it at all. Yesterday I came clean to my husband before writing the post. Having it out in the open lifted a huge burden. In addition to the comments from many of you, I have also had conversations today with a couple of different good friends that comforted me in the fact that these feelings are fairly normal. Doesn't it feel good to feel normal??
Additionally, God was gracious to give me FIVE opportunities today to 'be available' for people who really needed me. Each time I grinned, thankful for the perspective that finally 'letting this all out' had brought.
I felt compelled to write this tonight as encouragement to any one who may be internally wrestling right now. Find someone you trust to talk about it. Make sure you are praying more than you are worrying. Share your burdens. You'll be amazed at what a difference it makes.
Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2 (NIV)
God gave us each other--family, community, friendship, marriage--it was all His idea. What a precious gift.
4 comments:
Amen.
I too found myself today in a couple of positions that only God could have planned for.
Because I was blessed with a few hours of freedom I was able to have breakfast with a friend whose little boy died last year from a brain tumor.
Tish and I have not seen each other in a long time. However today our schedules meshed and thank goodness they did because not only had I missed Tish something fierce, she simply needed to talk about Thomas.
Because I had the time, I was able to sit back, listen and watch the twinkle in her eye as she remembered and talked about her precious baby. I am convinced that God planted me right where I needed to be today.
I am glad you had the same kind of day!
Hugs,
Kari
WOW! Thanks for this divine insight! I need to pray more than I worry! What a wonderful reminder. I am a "worrier" by nature, when I should not be worrying at all (will it add any time to my life? NO!) and giving it to GOD, who already has the solution worked out.
Just finished a novel and a quote from it so touched my heart. It applies to just what you have said here...
"That's our job as believers...to be an answer to someone's prayer--every day---as long as we live."
It's hard to listen to what the Father has to say to us and then acting on it when we fill our schedules up with "stuff" to do.
I believe God has you right where you need to be so you can "see" and "hear" and "respond". God bless you.
I am not envious by nature - and far from a "grass is greener" person - but I can only tell you the desire I have to be a homemaker more days than not. As a working - and now divorced - mom who drops her son off at pre-K and picks him up 10 hours later after working a full day and enduring the Atlanta commute, I long for more time to make my home and be there for my son. At this point, the choice to be a homemaker isn't an option. But, from my side of the fence it's a strong desire.
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