Lessons from my Mary Month

I am so relaxed right now that I am almost in a vegetative state. At lunch time I realized that my tailbone was actually hurting from the combination of sleeping 10 hours two days in a row and lounging in the sun on my fanny all day! Seriously.

I hope I am not misunderstood as being ungrateful. The PERFECT 70 degree weather with crystal blue skies and a gentle ocean breeze are a blessing. The view here, as the dessert meets the sea with a sandy beach and a smattering of dark rocks protruding from the waves, is breathtaking. Yesterday we actually got to watch a family of whales swimming off shore. It went on for so long (almost an hour) that we actually resumed normal poolside conversation, pausing here and there when the baby whale would 'perform.'

I was reminded afresh how easily we can be lulled into complacency and take for granted the enchanting miracles of creation that surround us every day.

I have my ipod, my laptop and a good book. I have made an amazing new friend from Birmingham whose testimony has left me very challenged and with lots to pray through and chew on...but I must confess I am a bit restless. I don't really know what to 'do' with myself. Maybe I have, in fact, become a human 'doing' instead of a human being.

I am thankful for the gift of rest, but am realizing that there is such thing as 'too much of a good thing.' I long to feel productive. I like to be used by God. I enjoy feeling like I have a purpose.

I think these feelings are exacerbated by the fact that my sweet husband has been in conference for a day and a half. This afternoon he went on a deep sea fishing excursion (with my blessing) His absence has made me miss not only him, but my children as well. He has meetings again tomorrow morning, then we will have an afternoon to play. Monday we will return home. I cannot wait to hug my babies!

A friend of mine asked me the other day what I had learned from my Mary Month experiment...and this is it: Balance.

I am wired a certain way because that is how the Creator fashioned me. I was definitely in need of slowing down a bit, but I am looking quite forward to getting back in the groove next week. I am excited about being productive and plugged back in...not because I think I have to earn God's approval or need to prove my worth, but because there are good works that HE has prepared in advance for me to do. Some are in my home and some are not.

I am renewing my commitment to rising early (before my crazy 6am awakening children) and preparing my heart to not only receive them with joy, but to receive what God has for me that day. I have realized (AGAIN) that this makes a HUGE difference in the way I parent.

I am hopeful that, through prayer, God will grant me discernment when deciding which activities and commitments are worthwhile pursuits, courage to say no to the ones that are not and peace to live the life that He has planned...not to simply fulfill the expectations that others have.

And I have learned to appreciate having an agenda that leaves room for life to unfold. The greatest blessings of this month have not been the home reorganization -- they have been the conversations...most of which my normal schedule would not have allowed for. I realize that I have missed a lot by being too busy to stop and chat and really notice other people's needs.

I will enjoy this gift of a few more days or rest. Sleeping in. Sun tingling on my skin. Uninterrupted conversation. Holding my beloved's hand. Al fresco brunch overlooking the Pacific. No agenda. A table for two.

I am grateful.