Monday, March 16, 2009

Control

I am feeling terrific. Because I am still on lifting/strenuous activity restriction for another day or so, I have to keep reminding myself that how I feel is not the right gauge. Acting the way my body felt is, after all, what caused my minor setback Friday. This led to some deep thought today about how deceptive 'feelings' and 'appearances' can be. Oh the trouble we can land in when we allow those things to be our guides!

Yesterday, after a long weekend of managing energetic children without my absent-because-of-trauma-call husband, I finally reached a point where I had no choice but to admit my need for help. I cannot really explain why this is so hard for me except that I feel like everybody has their hands full with their own 'life stuff' and I don't want to burden them with mine.

I think there is also the unfortunate truth of my pride. I don't want to let folks 'behind the curtain' when my life is in disarray. I felt the Lord nudging me to 'give it up' and allow the body of Christ to serve us...and what a blessing it was!

Yesterday my precious neighbor insisted on coming over to help with the two things she knew were making me batty: the unmade beds and the week's worth of laundry in my laundry room. She wound up picking up the rainy weekend's toys scattered about and helping get my children ready for bed while she was at it. When she left, my home was orderly and the children were all but tucked in...what a gift! I told her later, she TRULY spoke my love language of orderliness!!!

I am really a long way from OCD, but I am amazed at how much orderliness (or the lack thereof) in my home can effect me. I think there is just SO much about life that is beyond our control, knowing I can make sure the beds are made provides some peace. I know this is an illusion, but it works for me. :-)

Another friend invited us over to play after church and showed up later with dinner. Today my sweet mother-in-law drove to town to get groceries and complete the monumental task of finishing up the laundry. My mood has been so much lighter, knowing I do not have all these huge tasks waiting on me when I can return to normal on Wednesday!

Several years ago I saw a counselor (when I was nursing my post break-up broken heart). As good counselors so often do, he went much deeper than the thing I went to see him over, into deeper issues in my life--and control was the biggest thing he challenged me to submit to God. Ten years later, here I am: Learning the same lessons in new ways. I have truly come a long way, but I am reminded I have a ways to go!

6 comments:

Hillary @ The Other Mama said...

This is such a great post! We all need to give over that control and it is the hardest thing for me. Not only because I think I can do things better than everyone else, but I don't ever want them to know that isn't the truth! ha! Thanks for this awesome reminder and good for you for accepting help! I know it was hard, but when I do it, I feel like a goober for not doing it more often! Hope you're back to normal soon!

Love Being a Nonny said...

What a great reminder of WHO is in charge! The control thing is my biggest hurdle too! Glad you are on the way to recovery!
angela

Mindy said...

This is a great post! I am right there with you -- my pride and my "don't want to inconvenience anyone else" attitude keeps me from getting help a lot.

What a great bunch of folks you have in your life! Feel better soon!
in HIM -
Mindy

Paulette said...

This was good for me to hear as well today, I struggle deeply with these things, on top of not having a spouse anymore I still deal with the overwhelming challenge of control. The disaray of tasks piling up and dis-organization, keep me carzy. If everything in my life is orderly than I am so much better, if I get behind it is so stressful for me. I really have to work on this in my life.
Thanks for showing your humaness Jmom, and I am glad you asked for what you needed, good for you!

Tara said...

It's so easy for me to "fuss" at those who don't allow others to do our Christian duty by assisting each other during hard times, but it is SO hard for me to let anyone in. Especially if my house is messy. I am sure it took a lot to let your neighbor help, but what a wonderful gift you gave her by letting her use her talent. And what a wonderful blessing she was to you and your family too.

And I agree completely about your attitude when you have an orderly home. My smile is so much brighter at the end of the day when I know I can wake up the next day to an orderly home. Great thoughts and glad you are mending and have such loving people in your life.

Kate said...

Oh, my goodness...your post really spoke to me! Not just on the order and pride issues, but at the beginning when you spoke of how you "feel" OK but your feelings can't be the measure of what you can or can't do. And isn't that so true of us in so, so many ways. What feels right so often isn't and we have to listen to that voice of wisdom.

I'm so glad that you are feeling better and that you have such dear people around you to shoulder some of your load while you shouldn't. I can only imagine how much you've sown into their lives...I'm glad you have the chance for them to do so for you.