"When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected; I was caught off my guard, I had not time to collect myself. Now that may be an extenuating circumstance as regards those particular acts: they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated. On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of a man he is? Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in a cellar you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily they will have taken cover before you switch on the light. " ~C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity, (1952)
I often reflect on how I was a much nicer, more patient person before I was a Mom. I am reminded that it is not my children making me impatient, short-tempered and self-centered. I AM those things. It just used to be a lot easier to cover it up. :-)
Motherhood is certainly a refining process. I know God is using it to make me a stronger, better person...but wow, some days: This. Is. HARD!
10 comments:
Oh yes it is hard... and humbling. But as you know so rewarding! God doesn't let good things come too easy or we would have no need for Him.
I have never read all the way through that book, but that was a great quote. I often have the same thoughts. Motherhood is very humbling but quite sanctifying too. May the Lord give us all that we need to do our calling well and to honor him in that calling.
I love what you said about being patient w/kids and thinking you were before you had them. I have said and thought the same thing, but completely agree w/you that I wasn't it was just easier to cover up. It is definitely a refining process. I need the Lord daily in all I do.
Oh, how true. (sigh)
Mary, mom to many
It IS difficult. And, it doesn't get any easier when they are toddlers. Infact - I think it is more challenging now than it has EVER been.
You are not alone, Jen. I'm going through the same stuff, too.
You are right. This. Is. HARD. Thank heavens they are so cute...
I can only imagine.
:: nodding head ::
Thankfully, our Lord is merciful and loving. He knows our hearts.
I have often said that after having my first, for that entire year, I felt like I was taking a "getting to know the ugly real self of Angela 101". Wow, I did not realize all the junk I was capiable of saying, feeling, etc. But at the same time I was realizing deep down just how yucky of a person was, it drove my love and dependence on God even deeper b/c I knew I couldn't make it without Him and I was humbled that He unconditionally loves me.
It is hard, but the good thing is - YOU have friends to lean on, rant to and just be you with. That in itself makes this world of Momhood worth the wild! Thanks for letting me vent a little on you from time to time..
Gwen
i think marriage and parenting have both shown me what an incredible selfish person i am. God definitely uses those things in our lives to reveal sin and show us our need for christ!! he loves us...even through our ugliness!! :)
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