Do you ever have epiphanies that come out of nowhere & shake you to your core? Simple concepts that you just haven't fully comprehended before? Call me crazy that I just had this realization (after over 2 years of parenting), but recently I was watching them play and suddenly "got it" that these 3 little people are going to each take their individual place in this world as adults...and the stuff I am doing right now with them really matters.
For instance, when I get frustrated, my actions are teaching them how to handle their frustration.
My ability to encourage them in their strengths and weaknesses will directly impact their confidence.
My relationship with their father will be their greatest illustration of love and committment.
Watching me interact with others in various situations will teach them about respect and kindness.
They'll learn about tenderness, trust and unconditional love primarily from their relationship with their Daddy & me.
The list could go on and on, but suffice it to say I am just a wee bit overwhelmed at this great responsibility.
Sweet angels, when you read this one day I want you to know my heart...Being a mother is the hardest thing I have ever done. As you most certainly realize, I am not perfect...far, FAR from it. I am trying to do my very best to provide a foundation for you based on love, truth & righteousness...but at times I am not as loving as I should be and do things the wrong way.
Sometimes my exhaustion can get the best of me. Patience is something God is working with me on all the time. I can be more crabby than caring.
Make no mistake about how much I treasure you. I want to do well with what God has entrusted to your Daddy & me. I love you so much it physically hurts...I think that's what makes this parenting thing even more difficult. I want to give you my very best...but even at my best, I am a mess.
So, I pray hard for wisdom and patience and even harder for forgiveness when I inevitably lose my cool with you.
One day, you will have children and you'll get it...