It somehow seems to matter in a different way than ever before now that I have children, am not defined by a career, and live in the place where we hope to be for the rest of our days. I am learning that you cannot really say who you are, until you define who you are NOT.
+ I try to dress cute, but will never come close to being Best Dressed or Most Stylish in a gathering.
+ I keep a clean, organized, comfortable & attractive home, but will never be featured in Better Homes & Gardens.
+ I can follow just about any recipe, but do not really enjoy cooking and would rather eat out & use the time for something else.
+ I am creative, but not particularly crafty--definitely not Martha Stewart.
+ I am rarely the Most Beautiful woman in the room and never the Most Musically Talented, the Most Athletic or the Most Successful.
Before you miss my point: This is not a pity party or an exercise in self-criticism. There are plenty of things that I am & that I do well. I am just finally understanding that I cannot be the Total Package...because there is no Total Package. That you can BE it all or HAVE it all, is a lie.
While this realization is a relief in many ways, it is also DIFFICULT for me to admit & embrace, because on the list of Things I Am you will find capable, self-reliant & independent. To hear women say, "Oh, I let that go a long time ago" frankly used to impress me as laziness or failure. Now, I am finally starting to get it.
As I have been processing this, I was reminded of a sermon Andy Stanley preached 5 years ago called "Who are you Cheating?" His point was not DO you cheat, but instead WHO do you cheat. He emphasized that we all make decisions about our priorities & by choosing 1, you cheat another.
So, I am in a place of being VERY intentional about where I am spending my time. I have resigned from 2 things in the last 2 weeks, not because they were bad things, but because I CANNOT do it all--and those particular things don't fit with who I am committeed to being.
I am committed to being a person who lives a life that matters--not in a worldy, fame kind of definition of matters...but in a down in the trenches, rolling up my sleeves, living out my faith kind of way.
While I'd certainly love to live a life that matters and look great doing it, and the end of the day I choose to cheat image. This doesn't mean I am throwing in the towel and pledging myself to a life of grunge...I just would rather people's first 3 adjectives to describe me bring glory to God, not me.