As time went on and he poured himself into the preparation, I trusted his research and conscientiousness. I also decided supporting his interest was a more loving approach than being ruled by my anxiety. This is not to say I don't still have my occasional reservations, but ultimately there was a decision to be made: terror or trust?
I am finding this same thing to be true as I parent growing teens. Much like flying, it is stretching and growing my faith. Letting your children take on their own choices and consequences is a true test. Do I really trust the Lord with these, His children?
I am in a constant tug of war. My mind can go into overdrive (especially at 3am), terrified at all the things that can go wrong. I believe God can redeem anything, but I also know certain choices carry weightier consequences than others--and there is a whole wide world out there vying for my children's hearts. I want to spare them learning too many lessons the hard way.
One thing our new normal has allowed is a lot more space to think and pray. As my gaze has been reoriented toward the Lord's plans rather than my own, I have been reminded that my role in these last few years at home is to literally switch seats--from driver to passenger (with permits) and ultimately to exit the vehicle and let them drive away on their own. (Available by phone, of course! ;-)
This is the phase where we must trust the training, the process, and the skill that comes from actual practice. We put in the prep work, and now it's time for the literal rubber to meet the road.
Releasing the reigns of the illusion of control forces me to face the facts of this life. Growth won't be without scrapes and crashes. There will be heartache, disappointment, hard lessons, and consequences--but I am finding that there is also true joy in watching the growth and a sigh of peace as the pieces do start to coalesce. There is increased confidence and relationship as we step out in risk and trust.
Parenting from a posture of fear is where I make a lot of mistakes. I recently heard Katherine Wolf say "anything that is not transformed is transferred." I want the Lord to transform my anxiety into trust of Him, lest I transfer it onto my children.
As I lean into Him in faith, He is proving himself faithful. As we are trusting our teens with more they are also (mostly) rising to the occasion. Moving from terror to trust, with a long-range view and an eternal perspective, certainly makes for a smoother ride than reacting to every bump and twist along the way. This is proving to be a more joyful experience for us all!
Yours is one of my very favorite blogs of all. I don't check in very often - usually once every few weeks - and one of my ways of relaxing and recharging is to read several of your posts. Today I've been upset and afraid because my 84 year-old dad, whose health is not great but who cares for my 85 year-old mom whose health is worse, had emergency abdominal surgery a few days ago and isn't doing well. They are waiting for an available bed to move him to ICU. My folks live four hours away, and since I can't visit Dad (Mom is the only designated visitor throughout this hospitalization; she doesn't drive but my brother is shuttling her) and he's too weak right now to talk on the phone, all I can practically do is pray. My innate mental tendency always runs to the worst possible scenario, but lately (even before this current medical crisis), God has been gently encouraging me to trust him and "believe for the best." Tonight I thought, "Jennifer doesn't post much any more; there's probably nothing there," and I was THRILLED when there was. Our kids are now in the 21-30 age range, so I've already put in my four years in the passenger seat, but your words about trusting God and not letting fear control you really ministered to me tonight. Thank you for being Jesus' voice to me.
ReplyDeleteYours is one of my very favorite blogs of all, and every so often I check back to see if you've posted something. Today I've been troubled and fearful because my 84 year-old dad, a rock and the one who cares for my 85 year-old mom, had emergency abdominal surgery a few days ago and isn't doing well. They are waiting on a bed to move him to ICU. He lives four hours away, and I can't visit him or (right now) even talk to him. My mind's tendency is always to default to the worst possible scenario, but in recent weeks, even before this health crisis with Dad, God has been gently encouraging me to "believe the best." So tonight I was scrolling around and I thought,
ReplyDeleteI am like the reader above. I look forward to your comments because of the depth you bring to each post. You are not showing off what your children are doing or how wonderful your life is, you are honest and your words are straight from the heart of God. I always appreciate your wisdom and perspective. Keep writing.
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