Absent to be Present

My nightly routine for many years was to write once the children were tucked into their beds. In those days bedtime was like a marathon finish line I couldn't wait to cross.

These days my 'big kids' stay up a little later and I lay with them to talk, laugh and just enjoy the silence. I really like these people and the quiet, one-on-one time the nights allow. It often ends this way.

How is this man-child one of my boys?

So this little blog is a bit neglected, but the hearts of those closest to me are not.

I have been absent here to be fully present in my home, and it is well with my soul.

Because I don't want my children to have beautifully bound volumes of the lessons I learned in parenting that required me to miss the days when they just wanted to be together.

I don't want them to one day speak of how I took the role of motherhood seriously... reading, writing, pondering, praying. I want them to know it was THEM I valued.

As a mama of 10 (and a half!) year olds, this often means watching shows I don't particularly care about in order to hold hands with one I do, playing all sorts of games, hearing a lot of long stories or corny jokes I don't always find funny and evenings of just laying close because I know these days are fleeting.

I do a lot of 'coaching' and correcting during the day...carping about wet towels, unbrushed hair, table manners, eye contact with adults, misplaced belongings, homework. I am not particularly smoothe at this motherhood gig, but after 8pm it is all about the snuggles and heart reconnection. The shine of the day has worn off. They are still and lovey. They invite me to connect. I'm in!

I have to remind myself that this time is not unproductive. I am making relationship investments in their hearts and mine. It is about presence not perfection.

So please pardon my absence. This is the season I am in-- and it is good.