A dear friend of mine is expecting her first children: twins. As we have spent the past couple of days discussing what she will "need" to prepare for them, I have been reflecting on the things no one ever told me about being a Mom (or in many cases, the things they told me, but I did not understand.)
For example, before I had kids I didn't understand:
1. I would/could love them more everyday. I always thought Mothers loved babies at first sight because they were theirs & that love was forever cemented. While this may be true for some, for me the love has grown so much deeper and changed from pure duty to relationship. As they become more "themselves" every day I love them even more (hard to believe it is true). I still have my "duty"/primal love, by virtue of the awareness that I am their greatest advocate/teacher/defender, but it is enriched by my great pleasure in learning who they are.
2. The things I would love most about them would not be the things that were glimpses of me or my husband, but the things that were gloriously unique about them & could only be explained by God's design.
3. No matter how seriously I take my job as a Mom, I would make lots of mistakes daily.
4. I WOULD take them out in public with dirty faces and runny noses. Before children, I used to think, "Seriously, how HARD is it to keep your child's face clean!?!" Now I know it is sometimes (usually) impossible.
5. My heart would suddenly have a motherly affection for every needy child in the world and a graceful kinship with mothers everywhere. Stories about hurting, starving, abused, neglected, orphaned children move me in a way that I never imagined they could.
6. There is nothing in the world like having your child give you a genuine, unsolicited "I love you, Mommy!"
7. The most peaceful feeling on Earth is holding your sleeping child on your chest and listening to them breathe.
8. How amazing it is to watch them learn something new and share in their pride as they do something "all by myself."
9. The thought of something terrible happening to them absolutely paralyzes me with horror.
10. Watching them show kindness to each other or another person gives me great hope for the world.
11. I would sing so often even though I am terrible at it.
12. I would take their infighting & whining so personally. It is so emotional for me!
13. Being a good mother requires creativity.
14. There is nothing quite like "Mom guilt," the overwhelming feeling that you have no idea what you are doing and the fear of messing up your kids.
15. 99% of the time, there is REALLY no "right way" to solve a parenting challenge, you just do your best, cover it in prayer, love their socks off and the rest will take care of itself.
I know there are many more lessons,but these are the ones that came as the biggest surprise to me.
At the end of the day, love covers many flaws!
From your Mom, Amen to 1-14.
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Mom
In Mom's defense, I added 15 after she posted the comment....:-)
ReplyDelete#15 being ONE of the most important
ReplyDeleteMom
Hey jenmom, I am the product of one of those horribly abused children, I am also amazed at my love for all children especially abused, and neglected. I had a foster mom who you remind me alot of, so tender and compassionate towards me at a young age. I too am an advocate for these children.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I was confused how come your mom didn't think #15 should get an AMEN! Now I get it. :)
ReplyDeleteThis was an awesome post. I really enjoyed reading... it makes me even more excited to be a mama someday (if that's possible). I'm amazed to think of how much STRONGER the love will be than even that which I feel with the kids in my life now.... but I KNOW that it will not even compare... and THAT makes me excited.
love, calissa
Oh, #7.
ReplyDeleteI love #7.
It's the sweetest thing in the world.
My "AMEN" became louder as I read each item on your list.
ReplyDeleteOne I would share: Nobody told me how I would have to fight the feeling of sheer panic as time flies with my children. Each time I remember that we are 3 1/2 years from Blake leaving for college and 5 1/2 years from Kayla leaving for college, I feel as though the air has been knocked out of me. All you mothers know how quickly time flies, right? My advice for you with little ones: don't blink.
This was a beautiful post. Perhaps you should share it with the guest of honor at the next baby shower you attend.
I love hw's idea about sharing this list at a baby shower.
ReplyDeleteWonderful words and so very true.
That is an excellent list and so true for so many parents! I think one of the first ways to tame mommy guilt is to talk about our expectations and experiences. When we hear that we are not the only ones having negative feelings it certainly makes us feel more normal and less guilty!
ReplyDeleteI love this list! You always write these thoughts so well. I was just thinking about #4 yesterday as I loaded the boys in the car to take the oldest to gymnastics and he still had bed hair. Oh well. What do you do. And we won't even talk about how dirty the others were. :)
ReplyDeleteLook how much you've learned already. I love this list.
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking this myself the other day. I have changed so much since having the babies! For me a big one is realizing that the house is not always going to be spotless!
ReplyDeleteGreat Post
ReplyDelete